Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 91 Tell Me You Need Me

Evan pouts hearing this.

*******

*James*

Jeremy Donovan spends most of his waking hours looking for Julia, that much I've learned since being at the Avalon. No wonder the other patients give her a hard time. The doctor focuses on Julia and only Julia. The kid doesn't give her any damn breathing room. Like this morning when we go to the cafeteria for breakfast. The guy comes into the room searching to see where Julia's at and ignores the rest of the people here.

Once Jeremy reaches our table, Mike swoops in as Julia's bodyguard. I wonder if Nate pays him to be the guy on the inside for Julia until Paul's paperwork goes through.

"You need to tackle a little more on that plate of yours." Jeremy looks down at Julia's full tray of food. She pays no attention to him and puts my toast in my hand for me.

"You're stalling." He sits down across from us next to Mike and raises a brow.

"I'm detoxing." Julia retorts.

"You're stalling." Jeremy repeats. "We need to have a med check at some point today, too. Is the new med making you feel nauseous, or jittery, any weird side effects, bad dreams or anything like that?"

Julia drops her fork and fumbles to pick it up, gaining our attention. Is she having side effects? She never mentioned anything to me.

"Sorry. Hands are a little shaky." She says softly to me.

"Julia-" Jeremy is persistent but so isn't his patient. She doesn't acknowledge him. He slouches down and takes a deep breath. "Fine. But I'm scheduling a therapy session with you for this afternoon. You can skip the Grief Therapy meet. We need to go over your meds."

"Those Grief Therapy sessions aren't working out for me. It just makes me think of him more. I rather not." Julia hands me my coffee cup and waits for me to get a good grip before letting go. "And now..." She shakes her head.

"Now what? Finish your sentence."

But Julia doesn't finish her sentence. She looks at all of us and then takes a bite of her eggs so she can't answer. Casey does this same thing when she has a secret and doesn't want to spill the beans.

"Come to my office at 2pm." He gets up and leaves to tend to another patient.

"You're sketchy." Mike snorts and fills his mouth with waffles.

"She's sketchy all right." Cara cackles as she walks by. "I don't know what Nate sees in you."

"Thanks, Cara." Julia mumbles making me laugh.

"Don't egg her on." She squints her eyes at me, but I shrug her off and continue sipping my coffee. "I'm going to refill my coffee. Want more?"

I nod and watch her and Mike Maloney walk to the coffee bar across the room. Nate's little sister takes this moment to plop down across from me with her tray. I raise both my eyebrows at her and she smiles.

"I don't see it." Cara feeds her face and studies mine. 

"See what?" I ask.

"What you and my brother see in that lady. I really don't. She's pretty and all but..." Cara twirls her finger near her ear suggesting Julia is crazy and I burst out laughing, almost spilling my coffee. This kid. She realizes where we are and all, right?

"I think you all are a little... you know..." I chuckle.

"Uh- uhhh. Not me. I'm perfect. I'm only here so my brother doesn't have to take care of my sorry ass." Her little British voice says. God she is a mini-Nate Hollan.

"I can guarantee that is NOT the reason you are here."

*******

*Trisha*

Like Paul, Evan is a good sport about things. Like sitting in a chair for an hour and a half during my hair appointment. Not like he has a choice in the matter, it's kind of his job. This is my time to ignore my phone, not check my emails, not respond to texts. And I don't. I leave my phone with my bodyguard who places it with his own phone on the table next to him.

But I should know better. Because the minute I'm done and paid, the minute Evan hands me my phone and I open the first text, I'm back to work.

"Motherfucker." I mutter, reading an email from Richard. "I'm going to need you to take me to Modern Music Studios. I have a meeting to attend."

"Sure thing." Evan holds the door open for me and escorts me to the car. The drive to the studio is a silent one because Evan can tell I'm working- reading and responding multiple messages. I turn around to make sure I have my laptop bag in the backseat when Evan taps on the breaks a little too hard.

***

"James! The light!" I screamed, but it was too late. By the time James noticed we went through the intersection, the impact of the crash had happened.

The SUV spins around before tipping, and the next thing I know, we are upside down. My hand flies up to my head from the impact of hitting the dashboard.

"OH MY GOD! JAMES!!"

**** 

That one simple tap of the breaks too hard brought me right back to the accident. I swivel over so I'm facing forward again and hold on to my seatbelt.

"Sorry." Evan apologizes then looks over at me. I'm tense and can tell all the color has drained from my face. My eyes are already glossy and hands trembling. "Shit. Sorry."

 Flashes of the car accident play games in my head and my chest heaves a little more noticeably.  

The paramedics. The distinct smell of the burning SUV. Turning and seeing James, unconscious. The blood. The windshield. The Blood. Malcolm. The blood.

"You're fine. It's fine."

But it's not fine. It's been months. This has happened before. With Paul. With Nate. For the first time in like forever, I understand Julia's PTSD. I can't seem to get over this.

"Trisha." Evan can tell I'm reliving shit in my head. "Trisha, we're almost there. Ok?"

I nod and try to stay in the here and now. Evan doesn't say anything more. He doesn't pester me to go talk to a shrink like Nate and Paul would or put me behind the wheel like they did. It's not until we are parked at the studio and the car is idle that he speaks again.

"You have a little PTSD, huh?" Evan shifts in his seat to face me more. I shrug but he scratches the side of his face with a nod. "I know that look. My father spent a few years serving. Army sent him to Afghanistan for a few years when I was 10. He gets that same look you just had. Like you're far away. Reliving shit."

I nod and now feel bad. I don't really know Evan well at all. Never mind any family history. The war in Afghanistan began after the 9/11 attacks in 2001 and didn't end until 2021.

 I recall Paul telling me a little about his family. He lost his dad and two older brothers from the 9/11 attacks. His dad was a firefighter, and two older brothers, Greg and Patrick I think were their names, both worked at the World Trade Center. Paul was 22 when he lost his family. His mother is in a place like the Avalon in New York. I wonder if Evan and Paul know they have this thing in common? Evan's dad fought in the war against the people that killed Paul's family. No wonder these two are such excellent bodyguards. Protectors. It's in their blood. Their fathers are both heroes. 

I find myself thinking about Paul while Evan jabbers away. We were good together, weren't we? Paul took care of me, even when Nate checked out on me. I still get mad thinking about how Nate treated me when I was pregnant. I almost lost my fucking job. Paul was the one to read the What To Expect When You're Expecting pregnancy book with me, not Nate. Paul was the one helping me when I got sick.

Then.... when I had the miscarriage... it was Paul who took care of me. Not Nate. Why the hell am I always so hung up on Hollan? I'm wrecking some good opportunities, good relationships with other people because of it. Relationships that could have been something. 

Something real. 

Like what I had with Paul.