Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 63 Slipping In To Bad Dreams

"The-they.. it's." I shake my head in frustration. "They have never been this bad." I fumble with my wording and give up. I stand in the shower while Julia washes me. Jonah is by the bathroom door to give me more privacy.

"I know. Let's just get you cleaned up and dressed so you can lay back down."

It takes both Julia and Jonah to help me get dressed. Oh God, in Avalon clothes? Really? If I get mistakenly admitted here as a patient, I'm gonna lose my shit.

"Aww, we match." Julia teases me, and I roll my eyes at our matching blue sweatpants and sweatshirts. 

Once done, Jonah escorts me right back into the living room. Jeremy has made up the cot, and I lay back down tiredly. There's no fucking way I'm sleeping here alone now. I scoot over, wanting Julia to lay with me. She nods but first sits up on the bed to get more information on what just happened.

Jeremy sighs and gives Jonah a nod.

"Ok. I'm not a neurologist, but I do know the basics." Jeremy begins. "This type of seizure isn't a good one."

"But, like nothing that could harm him, right? So long as we keep his body safe when it's happening........right?" Julia is nervous. When she is nervous, she talks faster, and it is noticed right away. "Right??"

"It's possible to die from a seizure during sleep. This is known as Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. SUDEP."

I suddenly feel nauseous. Did he just say you can die in your sleep from these? I sit up quickly and my emotions get the best of me.

"SUDEP is rare, ok?" Jonah tries to downplay it, but it's no use. We can see right through him, and he knows it so continues. "But nocturnal seizures are reported to be a risk factor for SUDEP. Serious complication of epilepsy occurs when a person with epilepsy has a seizure during sleep and dies unexpectedly."

"So how do we make sure this doesn't happen again?!" Julia asks as Maggie hops on the cot to be with us.

"You can't. But you can take steps to minimize the risk of SUDEP." Jonah chimes in and looks at me. "Me and Casey make sure you take your anti-seizure medications every day. Other things we can do is make sure you are sleeping on your side. We can buy a wedge pillow for that for when you sleep alone. We can invest in a seizure monitor as well, though it looks like Maggie here did an excellent job making everyone aware."

"Being alone at night isn't ideal." Jeremy adds.

Julia starts crying and lays down with me now. We face each other and I hold her in my arms. I don't friggen care if there are people in the room. I hold Julia so tight and bury my face in the crook of her neck to cry.

This is something completely out of my control. I can't eat better or workout more. I'm already on medications. So what? One day I'm just not going to wake up?! That scares the hell out of me!

"I'll update his neurologist when the office opens. Try to fall back asleep, OK?" Jonah says but I shake my head at him.

"Sleep! I never want to fall asleep again! What if I don't wake up?!" 

Jeremy, being the therapist in the room, takes over. 

"Don't think like that James. This is so rare. And rare it will ever happen again. No one is guaranteed tomorrow so you really can't play those mind games. You WILL drive yourself crazy. Stressing about it will only make things worse. You have Julia right there with you as well as your dog who seems to be able to sense when things are wrong before anyone else does. Try and get some sleep, both of you, ok?"