The Consequences of loving Justin Bieber

Chapter 37: I'm Not Ready

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PREVIOUSLY in 'The Consequences of loving Justin Bieber':

~ Justin convinces Jayleigh's parents to let Justin take her somewhere safe

~ Justin finds a picture of the couple making love

~ The pair visit Ellie in jail, Justin is furious with her (thinking she took the picture) - only to find out it wasn't her

~ The two find out that Jake had a daughter - but who was the mom?

~ Jayleigh finds out she's pregnant

CONTINUE to read the 'Consequences of loving Justin Bieber':

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JAYLEIGH'S POV

I continue to stare at Justin, trying to process the insane thought of being pregnant. I look down at my stomach then back up at Justin again...in shock. I'm pregnant...really pregnant! I didn't think this would happen until I was in my late twenties! I don't even know wether to laugh in happiness or cry in regret and within a fraction of a second, I'm doing a mix of both, directly into Justin's t-shirt; exploding with mixed emotions as he removes his hand from my the ground and embraces it around my vulnerable body. I now realise why I was feeling so sick, so in pain and constantly hungry! I continue to sob into Justin's shoulder. We lay like this for what feels like hours before I slowly lean back, plucking up the courage to look at the yet-to-be-father of my yet-to-be-baby. He seems just as shocked as me, if not more.

A feeling of disappointment floods through my body by looking at his expression although I doubt he intended for that to happen. I suddenly come to realise how big of an impact this is going to have on him; his career, his fans...his life. How could I let this happen? Why was I not careful? I was always careful with...Jake, how could I forget with Justin? I guess in the moment, I really didn't care. I loved him too much to think about anything which is why there are consequences...a baby. I finally get my voice together and make out "I..I'm sorry", with another shed of water ready to leave my eyes.

"What are you sorry for, Jayleigh? This is my fault. I.." He says, stopping and feeling ashamed. "I should've been more careful, I'm so fucking stupid!" He adds, a little louder, running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Jayleigh. I just don't know how to react, this is totally unexpected. I.." He stops again, looking at me. Stressed.

"You don't want the baby?" I ask, hurt and upset - knowing he can't possibly want it. I mean, he's a young celebrity for crying out loud! He's got so many commitments already now a freaking baby! 'How do you expect him to be there for you when he's got shows to perform all around the world?' my inner self reminds me followed my the nasty thought of me only ever causing Justin grief. My heart tightens. 'But it's HIM who didn't use a condom so why are you hurting yourself. Plus it's YOUR baby, too' my inner goddess reminds me, shining a glimpse of light into this, to be honest: fucked up situation.

"Jayleigh. I'm not capable of being a dad. I'm just not, I wouldn't know the first thing. I used to be hooked on smoking, weed and sleeping around in my spare time - until I met you. I'm a terrible role model. I..I've got a daily routine that consists of interviews, performing, more interviews and travelling - just so I can repeat the whole process all over again the next day. I wouldn't be able to be there for you which will kill me - I can't have that" he says, cautiously, watching my reaction.

"So...you...you want me to give it up?" I say, feeling my tears about to burst.

"Babe, please try to understand..It's just" he begins to say but I get up from his lap and run out of the bathroom and into my soon-to-be-old bedroom, slamming and locking the door. I lay on the bed for a while, recapping my whole life and how it's lead to this moment. The concert, Jake, Justin saving me, us making love, Selena, Kelsie, the airplane incident (I shudder), the hospital trips...