Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 56 & 57 Dangerous Minds/ The Space Between

I will never, for the life of me, understand how these two can be so trusting towards the men that hurt them.

"Can we talk about something else?" Trisha wants to move on. "What are your thoughts about coming on tour with us in a few weeks?"

I shift on her bed. I knew this topic would come up sooner or later.

"Without Julia?"

"Well, I don't think she will be ready to travel, I can tell ya that much." Trisha busies herself with picking up clothes strewn around her room while keeping the conversation casual.

"I'm not sure.  It would feel weird leaving her behind. And Julia is the one to take care of me."

"Hate to break it to you, Hotstuff. She's at the Avalon and not taking care of you now. She needs to take care of herself. And she signed up for the full residency, remember?"

I frown. It's been a team effort for everyone here to make sure I'm cared for.  I know they don't mind but it was usually just Julia for the most part before. It was good for her too. It gave her a purpose. She felt needed. Now, she's in a rut and I feel like if I go off without her, she won't have a purpose, which will make things that much worse.

"She will get better and then realize the full residency program was a mistake. She'll want to leave that place once she's healthy again."

"James.." Trisha looks at me with sympathy. "You don't just 'get better' when you have mental illness. You go through seasons when everything is under control and seasons when everything is pure chaos. There's no cure for bipolar. It's about maintenance not getting better."

Sometimes having a conversation with Trisha can be so frustrating.

"God, you don't think I know that?!! Jesus, Trisha!" I yell and get off her bed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind me.

 I surprise even myself with my outburst. I stand in the hall wondering what the hell just happened. I never snap like that. Ever. It was like my mood just switched in the matter of seconds. It was so out of character for me. I take a deep inhale and open Trisha's door again.

Trisha is standing in the middle of her room looking at me in shock.

"Sorry." I say softer.

"What the hell was that, James?" She looks at me with confusion with my sudden mood swing.

"Sorry. I don't know. I overreacted. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I don't know why I did that." I apologize but my outbursts have become a frequent thing the last few days and I'm not sure why.

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*Trisha*

I let it go and try not to think about James's mood changes but it's not the first time this week he has shown these little outbursts. He did it the other day when he pushed himself too hard in the weight room downstairs. He couldn't do something and was so frustrated he snapped and stormed away. Then today during breakfast James got frustrated over something little and flipped out. I hate to say it, but it's like he is regressing a little with his brain functions and controlling his moods.

I wait till after James is in bed for the night to address the issue. I know Jonah will be up for a while. He's a night owl.

"Hey." I sit down on the couch next to Jonah while he watches TV. Casey fell asleep on him and he just carried her to bed. I got James to sleep well over an hour ago. Nate and Paul called it a night fairly early as well.

"You're up late. For you, that is." Jonah shoves some popcorn in his mouth and hands the bowl over to me, knowing popcorn is my weakness.

"Yeah. Listen, I have something on my mind. Medical related. I wanted your opinion on it."

"Sure."

"Have you noticed anything different about James the last day or so?" I ask while keeping my eyes on the tv show. "Like his moods?"

"Different? I mean. We're all pretty stressed out with this while Julia/Avalon deal. Why?"

"Maybe I'm overthinking. I don't know. He snapped at me earlier when I brought up Julia not going on tour because she's at the Avalon and this morning he had another moment when he was easily angered or frustrated over something little. It's just not like him." I turn to Jonah now.

"I did notice that this morning. You're right. Of all of us..aside from me of course," He winks. "James is pretty even keeled and calm. He snapped at Casey over something dumb yesterday as well. I didn't think much of it until right now. We'll have to keep an eye on his moods. If these outbursts become frequent, he may need to up his dose on his antidepressant."

I had forgotten James was on a low dose antidepressant. Once he came out of his coma and could finally let us know he was falling into a slight depression, Jonah had him go on something. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Jonah is right. We are all on edge lately.

I'm sure that's all it is...

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