Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 35 I'm So Tired

"You know what I miss? I miss the Julia I first met months ago. The girl who would come up to the Marriott front desk with her tail between her legs every other day because she lost her room key. The girl who would laugh at my jokes in the middle of the night and swivel in the chair next to me. I miss the girl who was always spilling her coffee, walking into random things and laughing about it. Griffith Park. Laying in the grass." I sniff, starting to feel my emotions get the best of me. "I miss how we could just sit next to each other, feeling the sun on our faces and not needing to say a word. We were content. But you know what else I miss? I miss being independent. Being able to take a damn shower without needing help, tie my own shoes, hold my own fucking coffee cup without burning myself. Driving. I miss driving. Yet here I am. Still trying to push through all that shit. Still trying to make the most out of each day I have here on this earth. No matter how hard each day is, I still wake up and try to make the best of it."

"You're different than me and you know it."

"No. Our struggles are different. I'm no different than you and yo-your no different than me. How we handle the shit that gets thrown our way, that's what sets us apart. You're so willing to give up." I say, feeling aggravated that she's so willing to throw in the towel like easily like this. Julia sits up and glares and me.

"Are you actually pissed at me right now? Seriously?!"

I nod and sit up to lean against the wall like her, and we both cross our arms over our chests. I don't mean to be harsh but Julia needs a little reality check right now. She's losing herself.

"Maybe I am. Yeah. I guess I am pissed at you. When I first met you, I fell head over heels for you. And as I got to know you, I thought to myself... She's just like me. Look at her. She lost a child, just like me. She's been through hell and back... just like me. Broken just like me. Yet here she is. Still smiling. Still laughing and cracking jokes and being goofy.....just like me." I tuck her hair behind her ear.

"I want that girl back. I know you can get there. But you have to stop giving up on yourself. You have to try, Julia. Nobody can do it for you." 

Julia leans over and rests her head on my lap. She cries and it breaks me.

"I'm so tired of this life." She repeats.

"I know you are, sweetie."

I say nothing more but continue to let Julia cry in my lap while I brush my fingers through her hair.  I know I'm on borrowed time. Kendall hates the fact I'm here and knows I leave the facility feeling stressed and defeated but Julia has no one else right now. Who..Paul? I highly doubt Paul says two words to Julia. She's all alone. From what I know, Julia was by my side as much as she could be when I was in a coma. She took care of me. Now she needs someone to take care of her and I should step up to the plate. 

At the same time, this place really freaks me out.

After about an hour or so, knowing my sister is waiting in the car, I finally say goodbye to Julia.

"Took you long enough." Kendall huffs and starts up her car.

"Wait. Don't drive yet." I have to remind her I can't get my seatbelt to buckle. I hate that I have to remind them this stuff.

"Sorry. Anyway, how is she?" Kendall buckles me in and we head back to Ma's.

"I feel like she's getting worse. She's really down and out."

"Who wouldn't be. I don't care how expensive and extravagant of a place the Avalon is. It's still a mental institution."  She says while I look out my window.

"Thanks for bringing me, Ken." I sniff.

"This shit is really getting to you, isn't it?" She glances over at me, and I nod, wiping my eyes. I lean back and pet Maggie for a minute as we continue to drive.