Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 20 I Miss You I'm Sorry

"Your radio interview isn't until 11 in the morning. The plan is we land in about two hours but are going to just sleep on the plane until about nine thirty. We'll get ready and a car and bodyguards will be waiting for us by 10. We'll head right to the radio station and then meet up with everyone at the Venue in the afternoon."

"Ok." He closes his eyes, making it known to me he is either tired or doesn't want to talk. He's having a really hard time with this. All these change of plans. All the hard work we put into this tour.

"Things will get better." I say, not only to Nate but to remind myself. Things have to get better. All this can't be for nothing. I decide to take the recliner closest to his bedroom and let Jonah have his space on the other side of the aircraft. What I didn't realize is how thin the wall is between the master bedroom and  where my recliner is. It's like our heads are sharing the same wall and we are sleeping right next to each other. But Nate's not sleeping. I can hear him talking softly in the phone. To Julia. And as the conversation continues he gets a little more heated and his voice raises.

"I know it doesn't, love. But I'm gonna keep apologizing. My mistakes are ones I know you can't forgive. Not with the shit you've been through in the past. I hate how I'm changing. I hate the person I've become."  I hear Nate say and it breaks my heart. What the hell is Julia saying to him to make him feel like this? Not only that but can't she tell he is crying? Like really crying right now? 

"I don't want to lose you." Nate cries and I swallow the hard lump in my throat for my best friend.

Then I hear Nate being Nate. It sounds like he threw his phone across the room making me roll my eyes. What tears me apart though is the muffled cries into his pillow until he eventually falls asleep. No one should be going through this. Nate should be having the best time of his life right now! This is his world tour!

I hate to say it but as each day passes I'm beginning to hate Julia Moretti more and more.

*****

*James*

"She's not ok. She shouldn't be on this shit. What the hell was Donovan thinking?" I  try to keep my voice down while Julia is in the shower. Why did we ever think we could trust Jeremy? Julia is anything but doing well right now. Her addiction is taking over that little body to the point Paul had to call Jonah to see what to do next. Jonah said to give her another pill. Fine, lets just keep doping her up like it's gonna solve everything instead of figuring out how to fix this.

"I'm just the distributor, Gallo." Paul grumbles. 

Julia comes out of the bathroom and goes right to my dog. My dog that she scared the living daylights out of by her sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry, sweet girl. I don't mean to yell and be scary." 

Maggie inches over and licks her face, and Julia cries. I end my conversation with Paul and kneel down next to Julia to pet Maggie.

"She's fine, Julia." I say but realize my tone of voice was anything but fine. I'm a little overprotective of Maggie. We don't yell in my house. I don't ever raise my voice. I had enough of that growing up. So Mags isn't used to Julia's rollercoaster of emotions.

"I'm sorry. I hate that I'm like this. I'm so unhinged!"

"C'mere." I scoop her into my arms and hold her like Nate would. I've watched him enough times to know what to do, but I can tell I'm not the person Julia wants. Not at all. She wants Nate to be holding her right now, not me. "None of this is your fault."

"Julia, can we try to eat breakfast again? We will be at the venue soon." Casey kneels in front of us, and Julia nods, trying to restart the day.

"I'm sorry." Julia says, full of embarrassment to everyone sitting in the small booth table of the tour bus. She's calm now, thanks to the medication, but that never lasts long. I really wish people would stop medicating her and actually try to help her.  None of this is going to go away until we figure out how to handle it. This isn't handling it.