Point Of View 2 [*Do not read until you've read the same chapter of ATW]

Chapter 8 Block Out The World

[grow a set of balls]

[classy] Nate responds the exact same time Elliott does.

"Elliott said yes, I can most likely meet Jeremy if it's at The Avalon, like an appointment. I don't know if I want to go there..." 

Yeah, not happening. I'm sorry but you're not gonna catch me step a foot into that facility. No fucking way. I don't respond to Elliott and clean up lunch, dismissing the conversation completely.

"Times up, playboy. Get strummin on that guitar of yours." I look up at the clock but Nate isn't done with me yet. He grabs my arm to get my attention while we are walking down the hall to the recording studio.

[If you go see him I'm going with you. Or Paul. You're not going alone.]

I read his message and nod. But I'm not going to The Avalon. I don't care what Jeremy has to say to me. I can't handle that hospital shit and a psychiatric hospital? Ya, no thanks.

*****

*James*

"So this is it then, huh? You really want to go on tour with Nate Hollan? Just because of Julia?" Ashley eyes me during our lunch date. Ash and Gwen both have today off work so decided to take me to lunch. They are trying to spend as much time with me before I travel but I can tell this whole 'gone for a year' thing isn't sitting well with my sisters.

We sit in on of the front tables at Sullivan's tap for some pub food for lunch. I order a burger, Ashley chicken fingers and of course, a salad for Gwen. She has always been self conscious about her weight, being a little heavier than the rest of my sisters, but living off salad isn't healthy either.

"Gwen, you need to eat more than a salad." I  say when I see Gwen look down at her plate in disgust.

"Says the guy who drinks salad in the form of smoothies for breakfast. You're no better, pal."

If I could get my hands to coordinate today I'd throw a french fry right at her face and force her to eat it. But I need help and have to ask Ashley for assistance. My sisters are great, don't get me wrong. But they can't read me like Julia can. Julia can just tell when I'm struggling with things and takes over to help without me having to  ever ask. But the girls don't get those signals yet. We don't see each other enough.

"Sorry." I say now a bit embarrassed. "Can you just help me grab the burger. Once it's in my hands I'm good. I just can't..." I try to pick up the burger but fumble.

"Oh my gosh, yeah of course! Sorry, Jamie. I didn't realize-" Ash stops short but continues to help me with my food. She didn't realize I was still having issues?? She's not that observant is she?

"As I was saying," Gwen continues. "You're not dating Julia. He is. They are getting married. Why would you still want to go? To torture yourself more?"

"She's my best friend. We don't go six hours without seeing each other. This has nothing to do with who she is dating, Gwen. she takes really good care of me."

"We can take care of you." Ashley chimes in.

"Can you? You thought I'd be able to pick up this food on my own, didn't you? You have no idea what I go through Ash. I'm not saying that in a rude way. Just...in a truthful way. I need help with things.  A lot of things. Things I don't want to put on you girls." I take a huge bite of my burger so I stop talking, knowing I'm gonna say something I'll regret.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She continues.

"You're not serious. Ashley, you're aware my coordination is shit, right? Do you even pay attention?" I knew that came out harsh and take a deep breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean that to come out the way it sounded. You just have to no idea what it's like to be in this body. I need help with EVERYTHING. I can't button or zipper a pair of jeans. So guess what...I either live in athletic clothes or need someone to help me every damn time I gotta take a piss. I can't shower myself thanks to my inability to hold a fucking bar of soap so I need help with that too. I stutter and fumble with my words when I get tired and sometimes don't make sense. Guys, I can't even fall asleep by myself without having a panic attack." I look away now, feeling the heat rise to my face. "And I can't help it. It's all part of the brain injury. I don't want to put you guys through that shit."