Clueless

Resignation

"I'm resigning." The door to Hotchner's office closed behind Rowan. She had been dismissed from the hospital three weeks prior.
He looked up, slightly alarmed.
"Rowan,"
"I know that I'm making a mistake, sir, but I don't remember any of this. I don't remember applying for this position, I don't remember falling in love with an incredible person, I don't remember marrying him, and I really don't remember getting pregnant. I don't remember my father dying, I don't remember my brother being executed in front of me, and I don't remember being kidnapped by my sister. All of these things have been payed out before me like a story book. It's like I'm living someone else's life."
She shook her head slightly to clear the tears that were choking her.
"I never got to experience this. Not marriage, not the thrill of finding out I'm pregnant, it's all gone."
Hotch didn't say anything for several moments.
"The team will be devastated." He managed. "Including myself."
Rowan shifted uncomfortably.
"And you were hoping I could break the news to them." He deduced.
"I've got a greyhound to catch. I'm going to start somewhere fresh." She nodded, once, to herself. She was still talking herself into it.
"And what about your husband?"
"He'll understand." She said. "And he'll have his rights."
"Are you sure?" He pressed.
Rowan nodded. "This isn't me."
He said nothing again. "I'll tell them."
She thanked him and left silently, stepping into the bullpen for one final look around.
The pack of cigarettes on Spencer's desks caught her eye.
"You smoke?" She demanded of him. He looked up from paperwork, startled.
"What?" He asked.
"That's a pack of cigarettes. Did you know there are over four thousand chemicals and of those, there are 43 carcinogenic compounds per cigarette?" She said heatedly.
"That's the first words you ever said to me." His voice broke. "And then the next, you introduced yourself. I was in awe." His head dropped, his eyes filling with tears.
"Good luck." He managed. "I saw you packing before everyone else got here." She had to look away from him.
"I'm sorry." She meant it, honestly. But it was too much.
She left the building, nodding towards the others like she was coming back.
She made it to the greyhound bus and took her seat, still feeling wretched on the inside.
Spencer loved her, that much was obvious. But she didn't know him.
The bus cranked to life, throwing another man into the seat in front of her.
His jacket slipped to reveal a tattoo. A single back rose.
Everything hit her like a rose: Spencer saying a medical joke and Rowan laughing so hard that it even made Spencer crack into this grin because no one had ever laughed so hard at his jokes before. The men on the plane. The marriage. The cut-short honeymoon.
She cried out. "Stop the bus!" It slammed on brakes and Rowan exited, immediately hailing a taxi.
She was impatient in the back seat, needing to see Spencer again.
She almost forgot to pay her fare, only coming back at the taxi driver's screams after her.
She was tapping her foot nervously when the elevator doors opened and she ran back into the bullpen.
Spencer was climbing the stairs to the briefing room.
"Spence!" She managed. He turned, slightly shocked. He started back down the stairs but she met him half way. She caught him by the arms and pulled him to her, her lips meeting his.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She managed.
He didn't say anything, just kissed her back, letting the weeks of torture and torment pour into that one kiss. They broke apart when they heard the applause.
"Do you remember?" He asked, their foreheads still touching.
"Everything." She turned to Hotch. "I'd like to resign from my resignation."
Hotch almost smiled. "Welcome back."