Save me from myself (Joshler AU)

Stop you're scaring me

Josh's POV:

Tyler was so beautiful and I just wanted so bad to make him happy, I decided I was going to make him happy. Tyler and I were kissing madly and I began to press small kisses into his neck that grew into sloppy laps over his skin with my tongue. I kissed down from his Adam's apple slowly making my way down his chest and stopping at his belly button. I rose to sit up and ran my hands over his soft, warm chest. He smiled at me slightly blushing as I outlined his ribs gently with my thumbs. I bent down to give him a soft kiss before lowering down to his waist. I turned up my head slightly and he gave me a subtle nod of approval. He was breathing heavy laying in his towel, still nude after his shower. I took off my shirt and jeans swiftly before I tugged on the side of his towel, Tyler raising his waist helping me in its removal.

I stared up at Tyler and ran my hand slowly up his thigh and right as I went to touch him he grabbed my hand "Josh stop!" And I looked at him stunned and fearful I had done something wrong.

Tyler's POV:

I was enjoying myself as Josh kissed me and held me and made me feel wonderful. He was running his hand up my thigh.. And I nearly screamed as the memories all came flooding back to me and I grabbed Josh's hand. I told him to stop and he looked so scared, I knew he wanted to make me happy and if he even thought he had hurt me in any way he would never be able to forgive himself. I began sobbing as my head filled with dreadful thoughts a sudden reminder and trigger of the past I've been repressing for so long. I began to sob and I couldn't look at Josh. I started shaking and pulled myself to a seated position pulling myself up from under Josh. I couldn't think about anything other than what had happened. I couldn't let anyone touch me because the memories hurt so awfully. I wanted to die, the feeling made me so terrified and sick. Josh tried to put his arm around me and I pushed him so hard he nearly fell off the bed and I stood up stumbling backwards until I hit a wall. I put my hands to my head and gripped my hair. 'What's wrong with me. What possessed him do that. I deserved it. I'm a terrible person. I need to die.' Were the thoughts I also found myself mumbling aloud, mostly audible so I knew Josh heard. His eyes grew wide but I couldn't feel bad about what he must be thinking, my head was pounding, my heart racing as the images returned practically fresh in my mind. I panted and began twitching and shaking, scratching at my calves eventually digging my nails deep enough that they started to bleed. Josh collapsed on his knees knowing that I was no longer stable and would not want to accept his help. All I could see was 'him', even in Josh's beautiful face all I could see was that terrible man.

"Get off me" "stop" "please" "stop it hurts" were things I mumbled with my eyes squeezed shut as I fought with someone who was not there. Josh watched on the sidelines sobbing uncontrollably sitting on the floor a few feet away from me pleading with me "Ty please stop, you're scaring me. Ty please." He eventually stopped and stared at me realizing this was out of his control.

"Why dad" was the last thing I said before passing out. Josh's eyes filled with sorrow and terror as he realized the meaning behind my outburst. I'm sorry.