Boatboys // Smalletho

Chapter 26

* I don't remember who gave me this lovely idea, but if you recognize it THANK U.

( Time skips about a week later, it's a Saturday )

Etho had asked me out on a date yesterday on the bus, it's scheduled for today. The only problem is I don't know what to wear, or anything.

I got Jimmy and Tango to come over to help me, mainly because Tango knows Etho well and Jimmy's just good at this stuff.

"I don't know what to wear-! I don't know if I should dress casual or-" mid way through my blabbering Tango shushes me.

"Joel, I know Etho does not give a damn about what you wear. He just wants you there. Dressed casually or fancy" Tango said.

Jimmy started going through stuff in my closet to help me pick something out, "I feel like I won't look good if I try to dress nice, but I don't wanna seem like I don't care" I pulled my knees to my chest.

"Joel, I'm willing to bet you'd look nice in anything" Jimmy said, still searching in my closet.

"But what if I seem like I'm trying too hard if I dress fancy, what if he wanted it to be chill!"

Tango pulled out his phone, "I'll ask him" he said. I screamed "DONT! HES GONNA THINK IM LIKE WEIRD!"

Tango sighed, "then I'll ask him for a pic of what he's wearing" Tango suggested. I nodded in agreement.

We looked at the picture and it was a casual outfit, so I Jimmy pulled out a T-shirt with a band on it, and jean shorts.

"Wear this" Jimmy said, acting like he had just won the nobel prize or something for finding me an outfit.

"Thanks Tim" I grabbed the clothes and got up, I went into the bathroom and got dressed.

When I looked in the mirror I started picking out every negative thing, and I didn't mean to I just did.

"God, has my hair always been so..ugly?"

"I don't fit in this shirt" <- (it's bigger than him btw, he means it in a big way)

"I look homeless"

"Etho's gonna hate me"

[TW : mentions of sh, and raz0rs! If you're uncomfortable with any of those things, please skip this part.]

I caught myself looking at the razor now, I shook my head and stared down at the sink. What if I did do it? Who would care?

Etho has bdubs anyways, it's not like I matter that much.

I got a notification from my phone, I glanced over and it was a message from Pearl.

I opened my phone, she sent me one of those *your initials your cat duo*. I scrolled to the one with our initials and screenshot it.

I replied then put my phone down. I took a deep breath, then leaned against the wall.

It really wouldn't matter if I was gone would it? Everyone still has someone who could easily replace me like I was never there.

Etho has bdubs

Jimmy has Grian, or Tango.

Grian has Scar, or Jim

Tango has Etho, or Jim

Pearl has Martyn

Martyn has Pearl, or Ren.

They all still have someone if I'm gone. Why would it matter.

I snapped out of my thoughts again when Tango knocked on the door, "you okay in there Joel?"

I couldn't form words for a second, before I cleared my throat and answered him. "Uh.. yeah I'm fine- just..y'know.."

I kinda trailed off at the end, unable to come up with a good excuse for being in the bathroom for so long.

My stomach started to do the weird flip floppy thing, I sat down against the wall. I shouldn't even go on this date.

Etho doesn't deserve an insecure loser like me, I don't deserve him. he's been so good to me this entire time.

I took another deep breath, then I stood up. I brushed my hair, did the usual stuff to it. Then I opened the bathroom door to step out.

Tango and Jimmy complimented how I looked, we talked for a little then they left.

I had like 30 minutes before Etho was gonna pick me up. So I just sat on my bed.

If I didn't go he probably wouldn't even care, he should just go with bdubs or something.

What if the only reason he's asking me on the date is for a prank? Or a dare?

Why can't I stop thinking about this? It's so annoying! I cupped my face in my hands. I felt like I was about to cry.

I forced myself not to and called Pearl.

She talked it over with me like she always did, convincing me that I was good enough. That I'm some kind of good person.

I don't deserve Pearl either. I'm a horrible attention seeker for feeling this way.

I heard a knock at the front door and ran downstairs, I hesitated from opening the door. But I did end up opening it.