The last time I was sad the thing that took my mind away was being obsessively in love.
So instead of feeling sad I replaced it with love and it eventually made me get really happy.
Now that I got sad again I think that's what I'm doing subconsciously again.
I almost didn't go to school on Friday and the only reason I went was really just to see her.
I was crying because of how much I kinda needed to stay home but I went because I wanted to see her. That's why I toughed it out.
I used to always go to school on Tuesdays in 6th grade because its her favorite day of the week and really wanted to try and be there every day so on those Tuesdays I made a effort to be there even when I didn't want to.
I wake up now and the first thing I think is, ok I get to see Ray today. It makes me happier and less of a bitch in the morning.
When I don't have motivation to do things for myself I turn them into things for her.
I've been doing this for 2 years now probably.
I get up to see her, I sleep to see her faster, I clean my room so it looks nice when she comes over, I think about her when I can't decide what to wear, when I walk to school I half run some days.
On some days when I don't feel like being a person, I live for her. I basically breathe and blink for her those days.
