I need to reach for someone right now but I really don't know what I'd say.
I feel like I would just make them sad and I don't want to do that.
I'm currently 11 minutes sober and don't understand why I'm not crying.
I don't understand why i don't feel bad for myself.
Or why I let myself slip.
I feel bad for even writing this.
I feel bad for Ray
For liyah
They've done so much for me and this is how they are rewarded.
Me going back to year old habits
I don't understand anything I'm doing anymore.
I don't understand why I need help why I continue to do what Im doing.
Why I'm listening to an up beat song.
I'm supposed to be sad
I'm supposed to be better
Happy.
And I don't understand why I feel happy but not at the same time.
Why do I feel so fucking empty.
I'm sorry, really I am.
I don't want pityness really I just need to figure this out
