The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 34. He is what psychologists call cognitive dissonance.

I wanted to scream. Better said, i needed to scream.

Not only had he revealed everything i tried so hard to hide, but he had opened up my most vulnerable moment to evry single person in the school. I was a lamb in a lions den.  

Without attempting to muzzle my tongue, i exploded. I exploited my abilities to hurt ego's and allowed my stained memory to flood with his dark ink.

"It was no surprise that he disliked me" I acknowledged, hiding my whim. "I am surprised he said that much about me, and the truthful pity rises when he thinks so low of me, but what would be the point of confronting someone as illiterate and clearly sunk in his own stereotypical perceptions? I am not mad about his words: I knew he was bizarre and it is unfortunate that he and I can never be friends...but I know it was his doing. He has hurt my pride" I groaned through the words as if I were spitting acid "But he will never know much more than that. If he did, that would only satisfy his vanity and grant him unnecessary power over me and my feelings and I know better than his psychopathic, twisted mind. I will  simply be indiffernet to him.  He'll be injured more if I simply ignore him; let him stay believing I am an idiot who cannot stand up for herself and an even larger idiot to believe he was decent."

  I wanted to keep it quiet, to keep...what happened between us a secret, but it is a ticking time bomb and a fantasy if I pretend to believe that this will not be gossip: it will be and he, as he wanted, will get the superficialities he wanted, and I, will be a damsel in distress who was lucky enough to be saved.

I huffed with sarcasm, giggled with anger and fumed with undisguiseable rage. 

"He is arrogant...and cruel. I do hope he takes things personally: because I can only find a way for both of us to be in the same place, and that is silence. A silence valued more than words, words which he has had plenty of, and he does not even give me the chance to know who I am. Silence will hopefully remain between that iron curtain separating both of us. Silence remains after and before the words. I thought he was taciturn, that he was simply shy perhaps a bit arrogant but i never though he could be as cold hearted as he proved himself to be. I know now that he has more indecent thoughts than what I thought possible a boy could have!"

 My mind kept spinning, my stomach churning.....If his point is to hurt me, then why would he even bother giving me the benefit of the doubt or even endure our silent treatment? If his regret is so large why hasn't he broken that vow uniting us? It would truly be the best. How could I have ever possibly supposed that a human being with his attributes would be nice? Honestly, it is cruel that someone who has such pretty factions ends up being poisoned by a petty caprice of his grotesque character! 

"He cannot dare insult me!" I screeched. His eyes doubled. It was true, i was enraged and appauled and that is never e good combination. "He has no reason too! If I had damaged his petty little brain then I would apologise, but I didn't know it was a fault to think, nor breath nor give out smiles. He may be young and for that matter accepted he is a fool, but he has the character of a thoughtless old Scrooge: a horrific soul damned for all eternity because of his lack of ability to love."

The evilness rose in my reply: a tamed fire that despite the frost, it burned with rage.

Yet the cracking in my glassed heart still brittled.

"I did not understand a thing you just said" He commented, his eyes doubling in size appalled about every acidic word my sour tongue had glided through.

"Sorry, sorry" I excused "I sunk in my thoughts and got a little too passional "

"Well I like it, and you deserve to be fuming; I know I would too" I smiled humourless; he proceeded detailing with information that would only further sink my chest and conflict my mind. "but...that's not all he said. Every time James talked about you he growled or did something no one could understand. Whisper things in between his mouth, things like coward, fault, I think one time he even said regret, all as if he knew you."