The eternality in our ephemerality

Chapter 17. How can one action so small scar you for life?

Time unkindly rolled its hinges.

But I remained petrified, trapped in a sculpture-like state, staring at that boy who built me up and tore me down in just one gasp of air.

If his mind had the bravery to turn, then he'd encounter my presence. If he, as all the clues that led me to believe,  was indifferent to me and carelessness is what defines him, then our interaction would be a dispassionate gather that would fragment my glassed heart. 

"Ale" The sharp insightful voice of my dear friend assaulted the nervousness of my arm and awoke me from the claws of my inexorable thoughts. In a flicker, the muscles in my mouth arranged themselves into a pleasant grim: the nodding of my neck, like Janes curiousness, read my unsaid words.

"He seems shy" She continued to comment "yeah well of course the soccer boys had to mess around with him; but he seems....I don't know...reserved? Is he shy? Social anxiety? Or maybe just a stick up his reserved a-hole"

I laughed hysterically. "I hope he is not a brute," i replied, half aware of my words half so confused and puzzled i could fall and didn't even notice it, "we're already short in nice guys, so i do hope he's kind. But...He has not spoken to anyone except them, and Andrew did not say a word about him.." She looked at me curiously, i bit my lip.

Louise joined the table. It was time. My two best friends.

They have to know.

"I suppose you have to know, '' I commenced; neglecting the tenseness that grew unintentionally. "Whether my sister has told you or not it I dont know, so I tell you now and here: I went into the woods and nothing bad happened to me. Yes I got scarred" I showed them my hand, with the pigmented line on it and hid it with eagerness, "but I truly had to breathe... My sister, probably, alarmed you more than she should. But I'm sorry, for worrying you, for....everything. . Now, will your hearts rest at ease, and you won't be afraid of your friend's exuberant state?"

"Of course we were worried!" Louise spoke "I've known your life ever since it was created! You are not a girl who does those things and frankly we were terrified. I was scared Ale, we love you..."

"Lou has already said the sweetest that can be said '' Jane interrupted, we all smiled at her usual seriousness and brutal honesty "But we were truly afraid: you never do those things, if anything, you're the one who fixes them afterwards. You truly worried us, but we can't say how glad we are to see you smiling and safe"

I smiled gently at them: they returned with undignified grace.

"Although," Jane, darting into the horizon "Your sister did mention someone pulling you out? Or something like that? Honestly, I thought it was far worse...someone up there" she darted at the sky "must truly be looking out for you"

"I suppose someone is'' My lips answered, the graciousness in my eyes shutting themselves and opening their fluttering eyelids with the reflection of the seraphic dome in them "I am unsure, truly, if I thought the person that pulled me out is who he is... There is nothing more than a blur when I attempt to answer that particular question. I suppose I allowed my imagination to scrutinise and pollute my thoughts..." Every word I spoke was true: their eyes, in a blissful ignorance, were unable to comprehend the true extent of my melancholic heart: both eyes now were cribbed with a glee of happiness and the feeling of sympathy, I always attempted to avoid. Sometimes ignorance protects your heart with greater efficacy than the ineptitude strengthened by one's mind: I hoped their cluelessness had been protected by the indecorous reticence of my tongue, so they wouldn't have to suffer like mine once did.

I once supposed that saving someone's life, as intentional or not, was an occasion that scorched you eternally: an ephemeral action that traumatised your mind and now broke your heart like a page in a book.

Without knowing the full story, you owe something to that soul that saved yours from unfortunate luck. ... maybe it was how it should happen, but it was forbidden and stopped by the eyes that are not looking at me now.

Without nothing left to answer: the heartiness in both kind hands graced mine with a motherly affection I was truly unworthy of. The sanity of their hearts had been periled by my ridiculousness and their graces now caressed my sorrowed smile. I attempted to speak with the most indifference about the subject, in particular the boy who rescued me and now denies the fact, but whether the action in his mind was a lie or not, I could never endanger my pride and compromise my heart to such a person who won't even salute me or recognize that our hearts were,  in a ephemeral moment, bonded by one. 

How can something as small scar you for life? 

How can something as ephemeral as it was become eternal?