Suffering: Part 5

A Breakdown Part 2

"I was so overwhelmed today. I feel horrible about what happened to Alastair, because of me. I felt terrible all day, that's why I kept running away. I'm not sure if you have noticed but I prefer to disappear rather than deal with difficult things," Y/N replied softly as they watched Charlotte take off after Sam.

"Did you think I had slept with Pansy? Perhaps take her to the cabin?" Lucius asked her curiously. "I don't know what you do, to be honest. Apparently, all sorts of things happen away from my eyes," Y/N remarked as she got up to retrieve Charlotte.

"I'm in love with you," Lucius admitted as he sat on the carpet with Stevie crawling into his lap. "No, we are in lust. We enjoy playing, that is all it is," Y/N shook her head as she sat on the sofa with Charlotte.

"You really are quite impossible, aren't you? You deny things that are right in front of your face," Lucius glared at her. "I don't trust myself to know what the truth is at times. I don't always see things how they truly are. You will see that soon enough I'm sure," Y/N remarked.

"To answer your question, I do miss you when I go home at night. I'm trying not to infringe on your personal time with Severus. I don't wish to overstay my welcome," Lucius announced softly.

"We do need to sit down and have a long conversation about everyone's expectations. This all feels so uneasy for me at times. I'm sure there are times you don't know what the right thing to do is," she replied. "I agree with that. Did you take a calming draught at your grandmothers?" he grinned at her.

"I wanted to down an entire bottle of wine but I decided the draught would suffice for the moment. Want to hear something very dark?" she asked him with wide eyes. "You wanted to hurt yourself," Lucius raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, I did. However, I couldn't do it in my grandmother's bathroom. Not much, just a little relief," she remarked looking into the distance. "Every time you get upset?" he questioned.

"No, not as much anymore. I'm much better than I was but the thought is recurring. Did Severus tell you that Alastair is the one who alerted Cillian in the village? When I went too far," Y/N asked him.

"Yes, he told me. That is why you feel indebted to him," Lucius remarked as he came to sit on the sofa next to Y/N while Stevie laid on his chest. "You look really cute right now. I bet you were so adorable with Draco," she smiled at him.

"Unfortunately, since there was only one of him, we had to share. Cissa was very greedy with him," Lucius remarked with a grin.

"Not this fall, but next, I think we will try to get pregnant with Baron. I would like to have at least some months where my body is my own. I would like to have a drink or a joint if I wish," she replied.

"Perhaps the three of us could take some overnight trips next summer," Lucius grinned at her. "I want three-way adventures. My Daddy Sev is hard to please at times. He isn't an outdoor water sun sort of fellow," she sighed.

"I thought he agreed to the hot water springs in New Zealand. At least that's how I took that conversation," he remarked as Severus appeared once again in the living room.

"Did you two have a nice conversation?" Severus smiled at them as he walked over, laying out their dinner on the table.

Lucius and Y/N followed him, putting the girls in their highchairs. "Yes but I don't believe we talked about anything you couldn't hear as well. I had the worst day," Y/N looked over to Severus.

"I know. I'm sorry, teddy bear," he grinned at her. "Oh, I love it. A little grilled cheese sandwich for the girls," she smiled at Severus when she saw what he brought.

 Y/N went to retrieve a knife to cut it into small pieces for the girls to eat. "This one is yours, no meat," Severus told Y/N as he laid her wrapped sandwich in her usual spot. "You don't eat meat? Or you don't prefer it?" Lucius asked her curiously.

"My favorite sandwich doesn't have meat. I eat meat but I'm sort of picky," she admitted. "She prefers it not look as if it came from an animal," Severus teased her. A moment later, "Oh I forgot. Your treat," he smiled at her as he handed the little paper bakery sleeve to her.

"You already took a bite by the look on your face," she glared at him before looking. "She loves sweets," Severus teased as he watched.

"I cannot take it out of the bag because the girls will start crying and I need them to eat their sandwich first. Look what he did to my cookie," Y/N showed Lucius as he sat next to her.

"Did you tell him thank you for your treat?" Lucius teased her. "Thank you, Daddy. You are both annoying though," she turned back to Lucius.

"I see you two are friends again," Severus remarked as they ate dinner. "Are we friends?" Lucius looked at Y/N curiously. "We are best friends, all three of us," she smiled at Lucius then back to Severus. 

"I would love to see her water magic. I've only heard about it from Severus," Lucius remarked.