Stolen from me

A phone call away.

Pain. That word is written all over this journal. And I feel like a shit load for the way I treated her. She's not even here for me to apologize or hold her or kiss her. But who would've known she went through this, when she got back she wanted to go back to Candace. But why? All of this pain and hurt and she wanted to go back to it.  I couldn't take it o read enough of this and I still have another one to read. I read everything I needed to know in this one it's time for me to see how she feels now. I can't really fix the last but I know that I can fix now and this next journal is her now and I need to know what's been going on and how she been feeling.

I decided that this was enough if her past it's time to work on the future and fixing it not only for her happiness but her happiness with being here with us as family to accept that I'm her mother and this is where she belongs. I got myself together before turning the lamp off and heading upstairs. I slowly opens the door and tiptoed in and slowly opened the drawer placing the book inside before closing it and laying down. I sighed ad I got comfortable and looked at the ceiling. Lost in my thoughts.

"Bey?" I heard Shawn's raspy voice call. I looked over and smiled softy.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok? you been getting out of bed a lot lately" I nodded slightly and kissed his head.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." I turned over on my side. And blink bashfully slowly. Just looking at the wall before my eyes got heavy and I went to sleep.

11:00

I groaned angrily hearing my alarm going off on my ear. I forgot I had my second session today. I turned over and grab the clock throwing it making it hit the wall and break making the batteries fall out.

"Woahh lil mama go easy" I heard Shawn say. I rolled my eyes and pulled the cover over my head. I heard shuffling from him picking up the clock before I felt the bed dip. He pulled the cover back softly off my face.

"You gotta get up bey" he smiled I huffed and brushed my frizzy curls out my face.

"I'm tired" I whined pulling the cover back.

"Yeah because you been getting up at 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning." He chuckled before he got serious. "Are you sure you're ok?" I looked away. I wanted to tell him I did but I only knew he would try to find someone or something that involved her past and I don't want any more of the commotion.

"Yeah I'm fine just don't sleep well at night." I lied. He nodded.

"Maybe you can talk about it in therapy today" i nodded and agreed following along. He kissed my head and patted my butt twice.

"Come on, up and at it I started breakfast" he said walking out the door. I sigh and got up. I went to me closet and picked out some simple jeans and a white top. I decided I'd go casual since i'll be there for a while. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed and did my hair. I put it in a high ponytail letting my curls flow down my back. After ie cleaned up I went downstairs running into blue and Shawn.

"Hi mommy" blue said sweetly. I smiled and kissed her head.

"Hey baby girl. How'd you sleep?" I asked remembering what happened.

"Better" she shrugged.

"Yeah better since you slept with mommy" I tickled her little stomach causing her to let out soft giggles.

"Here you go my babies" Shawn borough is our good. I smiled and sat down and we began to eat.

"So have you made that phone call yet?" Shawn looked at me. I cleared my throat and shook my head.