Amanda - English version

Part 4

The next morning as I walk out of the house towards the bus stop I am met by Yoongi and another boy.-Well!, says Yoongi. This is Namjoon.-Hey?, I answer uncertainly.

Why are they here?! I just want to be left alone. But somewhere, deep in my stomach, I feel a tingle. Yoongi looks so kind and smiles at me. He has a pink printed hoodie and gray sweatpants. Why do I think he's handsome? Namjoon however, is super tall, muscular, silvery hair, serious face and a blue short. He doesn't look as inviting. Funnily enough, it almost looks like Namjoon is Yoongi's bodyguard.

-You know Amanda, I've been thinking about you a lot, and yeah, uhh,...sorry for being so intrusive...we mean no harm...I, we're just trying to protect you...don't you hope taking too much of us... Yoongi says.

-Huh?, my voice sounds small and weak, protect me? That's not what Jimin did yesterday...

-Huh? What did he do yesterday?! (Yoongi)

-Well, it was nothing...(me)

I suddenly regretted it. If I tell this to Yoongi, he'll think I'm crazy. And for some reason I really don't want to.-Come on, what did he do yesterday?! (Yoongi)-Come on, Amanda, what did he say? (Namjoon)- Oh, forget it, it wasn't that important (me)-Good, if it wasn't so important it shouldn't be a problem to say, little bitch! (Yoongi)-You don't call me bitch!!! (I)-Just drop it Yoongi (Namjoon)-No! I need to know!! Nothing can happen to her!! (Yoongi)

Yoongi seems almost a little ashamed of what he said, because his cheeks turn pink. My stomach is full of butterflies. Why? I do not know! I don't even like Yoongi, he's just mean and bad and tries to force me to do things. Namjoon is the same! I can't stand these guys anymore. And besides, the bus leaves in two minutes, so I really have to run. Without saying a word, I turn my back on the boys and start jogging towards the bus station. But I don't make it long before I feel a hand on my shoulder pulling me back. I fall to the ground and scrape my chin on the asphalt. The pain that follows is terrible, it feels like the chin is on fire. I scream. My body is completely stiff, it feels like, my knees are scraped as well as one palm. Also, I'm out of breath. I can't stand up. And no one makes an effort to help me, of course. To make matters worse, my skirt has been hiked up so both guys are safely standing staring at my buttocks. Even though I'm not usually a believer, I say a silent prayer, "Save me from this humiliation, please God." Then I stand up as best I can, pull my skirt back down and run. Running back home, from these horrors. Why did the guys try to stop me when they said they would never hurt me?

Cut off from the meeting with the boys, I crawl into my bed and hide under the covers. But before I can relax, I have to clear up one thing. I CAN'T be absent from school. It would destroy my flawless record. So I do something you shouldn't, I call my mother and ask her to report me absent. My excuse? Well, I threw up this morning. Lucky it was a one time thing haha.

All day I lie in bed and just cry. I cry because the boys are so mean, because I was so humiliated and because I lied to my mother. What a bad person I am. I don't eat anything all day because I don't deserve it. This is all my fault. Why couldn't I just shut up?! By then the boys hadn't started following me more than usual. SHIT Amanda!!

I am so filled with self-loathing and regret that I can't bear to do anything. Even when I got out of bed to get candy and saw a huge period stain in my bed, I can't be bothered. I don't even put on a pad. This just makes me feel even worse and tears just roll down my cheeks.

My mother comes home at six thirty and finds me in bed. She gives me a look and then walks out into the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later she comes back with noodles on a tray for me. I take a quick sip and give her a grateful look. She sits on the edge of the bed next to me and hugs me gently. I am filled with infinite gratitude and hug back.

When I come back to my room later in the evening after a long time in the toilet, I see that my mother has changed my bedclothes. So kind of her. I pass by her room and give her a grateful look. It couldn't have been a fun job.

That night I fall asleep quickly. I am so exhausted from today's crying and also the incident with the boys that sleep comes easily. But before I fall asleep, I think about Yoongi. His nice smile and long eyelashes...