The Berserker

25

"Stop!" I belt out, shielding my face with my arm. Igor wasn't listening to my demands. He still swung his battle axe down. I managed to turn in time. My heart thudded hearing the impact of the rough ground near my head.

"Freya won't hear your plea," he responds. He takes in a deep breath before raising the weapon and swinging it once more.

"Stǫðva!"

With one word, Igor halts his movement. I scoff and roll my eyes, but pray to the Gods for Tormad to come to my rescue. I am exhausted. I understood the dire need to train. Freya was a lot stronger than I am. She was cunning, quick, and was raised to be this warrior.

In a way, I could see why she thought she would be Tormad's equal. I wasn't one of them. A Viking should pair with one of their own.

Yes, I had Viking blood running through my veins, but that is where my tie ends. If my mother wanted me to be one, she would have taught me the skills, not tell me tales in secret. My hand clasped around my cross, and memories of my family surface. Waves of anger stirred in my chest and I think back to the last memory of my father, laying there. Freya's smirk was hidden under her condolences. She had them all fool, but never me.

Fire fueled my veins, and I pushed myself up off the ground. I ignored the sting in on my palms as the small stones embedded in them. I merely brushed them against my top and clenched my fingers around the hilt of my sword.

"Are you ok, Kari?" Tormad asks. I stole a glance his way and nodded, but then turned my attention to Igor. His lips quirks and I can see humor dance in his eyes. He is a man who doesn't let his emotions get away. However, I have learned to see his pride signs.

Once I got into position, Igor took this as his sign to move. I noted his step and moved in time. He pushed past me, and I used this opportunity to hit in him the back with the hilt of my sword. I could never bring myself to be brutal with Igor as his to me.

"Stop that," Igor commands. He spins on his heels and faces me. "I can take a hit." I don't doubt him there. I have seen the way he and Tormad train. They fight till once bleeds, never to mar, but cut indeed. All the wounds heal, and they can go about their days. Though Tormad is the one who conflicts most of the wounds. Igor claims it's his foresight, but Tormad tells a different story.

"I don't want to add to your bruised ego," I quip. Making Tormad chuckle. The sound of his laughter causes my heart to soar. But then it dies when I think to how strained we have become since the attack. Tormad and I haven't been close. We talk, but he no longer touches me the way he used to. I don't know how I feel about his lack of contact. Our union was formed under strange circumstances. For all intents and purposes, I should despise him; be grateful he will leave my body alone. Yet, I can't help but crave for his tender touch.

"Finish up here," Tormad commands. "We have planning to do." He didn't wait for a response. From the corner of my eyes, I watched as he retreated to the hall.

"He doesn't know how to act," Igor voices his opinion. "It is unnerving," he continues. I don't return the talk. Instead, I turn my back on Igor and follow Tormad. I needed to be near him. Even if we don't have the same relationship as before. I didn't wish to wipe him away completely.

"I guess that is training for the day," Igor mumbled, stepping in beside me as we made our way to the hall. The chatter dies down once we enter. I will never get used to that. As eyes veer in my direction. I block them out, scanning for the one person I came in here to see. It didn't take long. I saw him already glancing my way, seated at the back of the hall where the berserkers sit and talk about idiotic things. None of wish I care to listen to. I only perk my ears when a certain voice speaks.

"Does she need to be here?" Bjorn verbalizes. He doesn't like me, I can honestly say the affection is mutual. I ignored him and sat down next to Tormad, who subtly shuffled away from me. I didn't let this action make it known it hurt me. Igor slapped Bjorn on the side of his head and gave him a warning. This caused a small smile to form on my face. Again, Igor doesn't openly show his affectionate side, but there are small signs he cares.

"Bjorn, Ingrid, Rune, and myself, will track North," Tormad starts the meeting. I watch him scan the table. "Kari, Igor, Birger and Knud." Tormad keeps his eyes down at the makeshift map. I didn't even know how they had it made. And to be true, I didn't know how to read it. But Tormad did. His finger taps a spot. Igor grunts in agreement. I look up, confusion written all over my face.

"Though I think it's best..."

"I have no desire to hear your thoughts," Tormad cuts Igor off and rolls the map into a scroll before tying it with twine. He stands and gives his men a confirmation glance. I waited for his eyes to land on mine, but when they didn't I pushed the stab of sorrow away. Before anyone could notice, I took it upon myself to vacate the hall. I wanted to bathe in the nearby stream, anyway.

I lay there floating on the water. The sky darkens by the second. I was cold, but the fiery blood still ran through my veins. Tormad thinks he can put a distance between us. After everything I have been through, he leaves me alone. If not for Igor, I don't wish to think what would have happened. Igor gave me a few days to stew inside my mind, but by the fourth, he marched into my hut and dragged me by my arms. Shoving a blade into my hand and told me to fight my anger out.

I guess this was how a Berserker is made. They use their anger to strike down their enemies. Igor later told me he used to think of his father's face, but now Ivan is dead, he feels weak. I scoff at his weakness, for it is I who is the weak one. I am half their size and have only a fraction of their stamina. My feet can not walk without bleeding.

A rustling from a nearby shrub has my skin bristle. I lower my body deeper into the waters. My eyes veer to the side where my weapon resides as well as my clothes.

"It is just me!" his voice declares. My fists ball, and I think about wrapping them around the hilt of my blade. Tormad steps out into the clearing.

"You were gone for some time," he says. "I thought something had happened to you."

I wade over to where my things are and slowly exit the water. I feel his eyes roam my body and I wish he would do more. Take the feeling I have inside and make it better. Replace the horridness of Ivan's body, with his.

"So you do care?" I respond with a flat tone before covering my body with a shirt. "Here I was thinking you hated the sight of me."

Tormad stepped forward, but not close. He still kept his distance. And I hated that. "Why would you think that?"

I scoff and turn my face away from his. "Because you have not spent time with me since..." I couldn't bear to finish those words. "You are sending me on another path, making us further apart."

Tormad takes a few more steps closer. His hand cups my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. "I put you in another group because if you are with me, I won't be able to lead. My eyes and mind will be on you. I know you will be safe with Igor because he thinks of you as kin."

I take in his words. Hating how my heart reacts to every one of them. "But why do you never stay with me?" I close my eyes, hoping it is not because he finds me repulsive after seeing me so vulnerable.

He wrapped his arms around my body, and I pressed my face against his chest. I relish the scent of his masculinity. I love being embraced in his arms; dressed or otherwise. "I couldn't bear not being able to touch you. If you rejected me, I don't know how to react. I'm trying here."

I bring my arms up and wrap them around his waist. "Please don't let me go."

Tormad pulls back slightly, but cups my face with his large callous hands. I feel my cheeks heat from the warmth of his skin. "Space I will give." He brings his foreheads down to lean on mine. "But letting you go, never."

I take this as my cue to press up and place my lips on his. Tormad slowly, and cautiously lowers his hands down my back, and under my shirt. He stops and drops his hand. I reach back to take his hand and place it back.

"I want you to erase those memories and give me something new."

Tormad didn't need to be told twice. He grips my hips and lifts me off the ground. I wrap my legs around his torso, and the cool breeze blows against my bare bottom, but I don't mind, soon enough, I will be feeling a lot more than the cold.