The Perfect Soldier

Sechsunddreiβig

Everyone eventually spit off when we got back to the base and I drunkenly made my way to the barracks.

König followed a bit behind me. We hadn't talk much since the comment that Horangi made. It felt a bit too awkward for both of us...

When we got back into my barracks dorm he immediately started to stammer and explain himself.

"Okay...so I...I...ummm..."

I was hurt that he wasn't telling me things... I felt like I had been so open towards him, but I didn't receive the same...

"Look König. I understand that you might have been embarrassed. Which is why you didn't tell me before we had sex, but it would have been nice to know that you were a virgin."

His shoulders shot up a bit as he tried to speak again.

"I know... I know that I should have said something beforehand but...I was embarrassed... I didnt know how to tell you... I thought you'd judge me..."

My head moved to the side and my brows furrowed. After everything that we had been through he still thought that?

"Since day one I haven't judged you, you know that. So why the fuck for I judge you for being a virgin?!...König, I've been nothing but open and honest with you and you can't do the same for me?"

I could feel my frustration kicking in, but I wanted to try to give him the chance of coming clean to me about what I read in his file...

"I know... I know I haven't been open... it's just... I was so embarrassed... and I had this image that I thought you had of me and I didnt want to ruin that."

I could see the frustration with himself building inside of him as he spoke. I calmed myself down and gave him a serious look.

"What else have you been keeping from me..."

His brows furrowed for a moment as he thought about my phrasing... then it clicked for him...

"You... you've seen the file..."

I kept eye contact with him as he took a step back...

"I don't what to hear from the file. I want to hear it from you. After everything we've been through... everything... Why didn't you tell me your actual name..."

I saw the anger start to build up in his chest as he calmed himself down from his anxiety.

"Alexander Kilgore... even the military doesn't have my real last name..."

My eyebrows furrowed as his demeanor shifted and I tried to register what he said... Kilgore...?

"Wha-..."

As I was trying to just process this information he spoke up again.

"Alexander Kilgore... Former United Nations Military Intelligence operative turned Special Forces operative. Criminal of war under contract to Kortac..."

I looked up at him with confusion in my eyes. My frustration was completely replaced by confusion at this point and I didn't know how to respond...

"Wha... why didn't you tell me sooner?..."

The hurt sound in my words caught him off guard ... hurt that he kept it from me... hurt that he didn't trust me enough to tell me...

He put his head down as his voice came out quiet and defeated

"... Because I didn't want you to see me differently... I didn't want the information of what I had done to scare you. I've only ever wanted to protect you... and now that you know all of it, I feel like I can't protect you anymore..."