The Perfect Soldier

Zehn

~The Contents of the Notebook~

They tortured her... Worse than any of the other times they "disciplined" us...

They cut her chest open repeatedly, branded her face with their fucking insignia after cutting her hair and beating her bloody, lit her legs on fire, poured acid on her arms... Anything that sick bastard could fucking think of...and he did it all with that fucking smile on his face...

Her screams haunt me... The way her blood pooled on the floor, the vomit, sweat, and tears... The smell of the small room... all of it fucking haunts me...

Her voice calling out to me... begging me to make them stop as I thrashed against the ropes... begging, and threatening that fucking Scourger to stop...

The first person I ever really loved was tortured right in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it...I was fucking useless... I couldn't save her...

And all because she got caught going back to her dorm that night after seeing me... it's my fault... all of it...

If I would have asked her to meet me on a different night, or just not asked at all... I should have done something...

I was the strongest soldier there, the strongest to ever complete the program... but I couldn't fucking do anything to save her...

I shouldn't have sat in that fucking chair like a coward... I should have fought harder... broken my wrists to get out of the ropes...something...

I could have taken all four of them down so easily, but no...I had to play the emotionless soldier like a fucking coward...

They shot her right in front of me... and her fucking smile right before they did... I can't get any of it out of my head...

Any time I see the sun rise or set... the colors always remind me of her hair... Her gorgeous bright red and orange hair... the grass is the same color as her eyes...

Fuck... Just shut up about it already... she's gone... and she's gone because of me... because I couldn't help but fall for her...

If I wasn't a higher rank than her they would have killed me, it should have fucken been me... No... She wouldn't have been able to deal with this level of grief... it would have broke her worse then it did me...It would have stolen her bright smile...

I miss her... god I fucking miss her...

-

Layla Radley, My love...

I'm proud of you. You're the top soldier here! That's impressive, I know it's a shitty circumstance but it's still something to be proud of.

You've made this place just a bit more bearable. Seeing you work so hard and the amount of dedication that you have to be the best is inspiring. It's one of the many things that I love so much about you.

Regardless of the place that we're in, you've overcome so much and worked so hard to be the best soldier I've ever thought was possible.