Don't Speak (SBI Angst)

61

Tommy POV:

I walk in the door, pretending im not still pissed at phil, i mean, he never even apoligized!! I immediately head up to my room, opening my door to find ranboo scrolling on his phone on my bed, tears stained on their cheeks, messy hair, eyebags, not too much out of the usual, but still. It feels painfully obvious now. How can I never notice someone's struggling until their arms are blood stained? I mean, I barley even noticed myself.

"Hey toms-"

How can he act like nothings wrong?
I feel like everything's wrong right now.

"Why didn't you say how bad it was?" I choke out, as if im any better

"I didn't think it was that bad."

I've been there, done that

"So then what the fuck happened? Why would you do that." Now I sound like a jerk, to be fair, does it matter right now?

"I- I didn't m-mean to-"

How could he not mean to? He just accidently put fucking metal against his arms to slice them open?

"How long?"

"W-what??"

"How long have you been doing that shit to yourself for?"

"The fi-first time was o-only like 2 days ago."

Bullshit, there's no fucking way.

"That's a big fucking improvement for 2 days."

"What do you want me to say then tommy?!" He blurts, then stops himself. "S-sorry."

"Then how long have you wanted to do that then?" I whisper just loud enough

"I think- I think it first crossed my mind at around 10 or 11."

"Ran you should have told me or tubbo."I sound pathetic

"You should have too, but look at you now. I'd bet you can't roll up your sleeves either."

Okay Ouch

I just look at him for a second

"Fine, I'm a hypocrite, but still ran..."

"If you just want to scold me I'm putting in my headphones."

He's shutting me out.

"I'm sorry boo."

"Don't call me that."

What?

"You've never had an issue with the nickname 'boo' before, what happened ranboo?"

"I dont- I don't know."

"Okay... I'll be downstairs or in technos room if you need me, I'll leave you be."

He nods, and I shut the door behind me as I head down the hall.

I go to head to technos room and before I open the door-

"Tommy."

I sigh, turning around to be faced with Phil

"Do we have to talk right now?"

"Tommy please, I want to know what's up with you."

"Come on, you never even apologized and now you want to know what's wrong?"

"Apologized for what- oh."

"Don't start apologizing now, you had all of yesterday,  this morning, and on the ride home, but you fucking didnt."

"I'm sorry-"

"Dont."

he pauses for a second, then finally speaks up.

"Is that why you threw up the first time?" 

"way to state the obvious, I was scared you'd start drinking alot, and it reminded me of my dad. I probably shouldn't even be scared of shit like that anymore,  he died when i was fuckin 5, I'm almost 14, I should be over it by now, right?"

"No toms, why the fuck would you be over something like that so easily? You never used to think like that before, what happened?"

"Me and techno got in a fight where we both said things we didn't mean."

"He told you that!?"

"Okay well I did tell him 'roll up your fucking sleeves mr.cant finish one meal without leaning over a toilet."

"Tommy!"

"Again, we both said things we didn't mean!"

"Why were you even telling him to roll up his sleeves? Did he-"

Shit

"No- he had just told me to roll up my sleeves."

"Why did he say that, tommy?"

Shit

I can't tell him 'oh because he had bandaged my fucking wrist the night prior'

"Don't know, don't care."

"I feel like you do know."

"Dad come on-"

"No, also, your wearing one of technos sweaters, and it just so happens to be 80 degrees (Fahrenheit) and all of your sweaters and shit are in the wash. Was there a reason you needed longer sleeves tommy?"

"Dad please-"

"Tommy show me your arms"

Shit
Shit
Shit
Shit
Shit

"I don't wanna do this right now, I uh h-have to check on ranboo" my fucking stuttering, damnit. I hate that that's my fucking lying tell, its so obvious

"Tommy please, seriously?"

I want to throw up

"I'm sorry." I whisper

"How did techno find out?"

"He walked in as I was doing it."

"Oh...tommy-"

I don't want him fucking pity.

"He's also who bandaged it."

"Can you please promise me you won't relapse for at least a month, then let's try to get farther than that after that?"

"Ill try."

I'll try, I might not succeed.
"Here, let's go make dinner or something."

I feel like throwing up, but that feeling will pass as long as nothing else happens.

By 'us' making dinner, he really meant just sit down as he cooks something from wilburs meal plan.

I remember back when techno had a meal plan. He hated that shit. I remember one of their biggest fights was when Phil realized techno was tearing out the pages with too many calories, in hopes he wouldn't have to eat them.

That feeling of wanting to throw up still hasn't gone away, probably when I eat something, and when wil and techno are home safe I'll feel fine.

Speak of the devil, 10 minutes later techno and Wilbur come through the door.

"Hey toms, how do you feel?" techno says

Phil probably told him I threw up again

I shrug with a small 'fine' and watch Wilbur go up to his room.

I hear someone else coming, oh right, I kind of forgot ranboo was here.

"Shit"and"damnit phil"techno and phil say in sync, as my eyes meet her brown ones.

"shit-tommy?" Kristen says, as if she didn't leave without a  word almost a year? Two years? Ago.

I go to say something, but I simply throw up.

Words:1002