After Never

Chapter 7

Hardin

I hear knocking on my door...and the last thing I want to do is get out of bed.

Since driving back from Seattle my bed and I have been inseparable. Except it's not great...I need to get up...it's pathetic at this point ...it's Tuesday now...I missed class yesterday, I missed a recording session, I've been ignoring everything and everyone...

"Hardin open the door." I hear Zeds voice followed by pounding.

I take a deep sigh still wanting to avoid the world...

"Hardin!" He yells again.

"Fuck I'm coming." I reply as I roll out of my bed to open the door.

I open my door, and he takes it upon himself to pass me by walking into my room.

"Yea...sure come on in..." I reply sarcastically.

"What the hell happened to you? You have been MIA for days...and you look like shit..." Zed says to me.

And i don't know what happens to me in that moment of him asking me that...other than knowing I need to stop. Stop feeling fucking sorry for myself.

Stop feeling like shit about what she did. Stop letting the betrayel fucking destroy me...just stop.

I have to.

But what that means...scares me a little bit. Because what that means is this person i have worked really hard to become...is no longer. And every piece of humanity I have has to be gone.

I guess betrayel can do that to a person.

"Nothing I'm good." I tell him...which I don't think is a lie. From this moment forward I'm deciding I'm good...I'm fine. I feel nothing and give a shit about no one....I'm fucking fine.

"Bro...you haven't left your room in days...you..."he says and i stop him from continuing his thought...

"Yea...and it's not your fucking business what I do or don't do. I'm going to go shower...and we can go to the studio and make up for yesterday." I tell him hoping he gets the fucking hint.

"Okay...okay..." He says putting his hands up and backing away since the intensity picked up between us...more than I intended but oh well...

He leaves my room, and I go shower.

I haven't had my phone on in days(....which has actually been really nice.) But after my shower I turn it back on, and I'm flooded with all these missed calls and messages... mostly Tessa. I don't open the messages. I just know there are a lot of them.

I did mean what I wrote to her when I left. But I also meant what I said about us not being together....at least not right now...

And I don't know if that will change.

All I know is I changed. And probably not for the good or the better I should say. Actually I know not for the better...Because who I became when she left was who I knew she wanted...I gave my fucking all into making us work...and I got fucking shit on...

So now, I care about one thing and one thing only...and that's myself. Which is where the scary part comes in...because I have been the selfish dick before...and it's never good.

And here we are.

I'm quiet on the ride to the studio. Zed tried making small talk for a while, and he realized rather quickly that I wasn't about it so he gave up...

When we get there I decide right away that I'm not wasting my time or anyone else's...I need to be focused.

Which I am...I am focused.