After Never

Chapter 41

Hardin

I knew after the first night I fucked up. Or sorta I guess.

I mean I killed performing my song. So much so that I ended up playing most of the night. Which was great. That part was amazing.

What wasn't amazing was getting hammered afterwards.

I don't remember the last time I was that fucked up.

And I'm praying that no pictures come out because i for sure drank a lot... I know that. And I'm pretty positive I smoked weed. Might have done coke. I don't even know.

Yea it wasn't good...

And the next day I paid for it. I felt like absolute garbage most of the day. And the photoshoot sucked. I wanted to puke the whole time and I wasn't at my best in the studio.

So the next two days besides the pill from Stassi...I stayed off of everything. I knew I had to. I couldn't do what I did the first night again.

Especially with how mad Tessa was at me. And I don't want to do that to her again. It was unfair and not how I want to treat her through this. I know it's hard on her. I don't want to make it harder.

So I've made it my goal to communicate as much as possible. I'm probably annoying her with how much she knows about me. Every detail of what's going on I'm sharing with her.

What surprises me is the fact that they're giving me the weekend off. When all it's been is go, go, go this whole time.

And Ive only gone off on Stassi about five times. She's learned...or hopefully has. I don't know. All I know is not everything about this is what I thought it would be.

There's a lot I love.

I love performing, I love being in the studio with the band and I love writing new music.

What I don't love is the constant feeling like I need to be on, and that I have to be here, there and everywhere at all times.

It's no wonder people go crazy and get burnt out in this industry.

I'm four days in and I'm fucking exhausted.

I told Tess I was going to do tourist things in LA with my days off (which should have seemed like a red flag to her seeing as how I would never want to do that) But the truth is I'm going to surprise her and it's wild to me that she didn't catch on, she seemed super bummed. Which I feel awful about but it will make it even better when I show up tonight.

I had Stassi book the flight there and she made me promise I would be on the 6 o'clock flight coming home Sunday night.

Which is fine. As long as I'm able to get away...I'm happy.

And as long as I get time to be with Tess...I'm happy.

I must say even not flying first class this time this flight is way more enjoyable. I do still snooze on the flight just to catch up on some sleep since I've still been struggling with that.

I text Tess to ask what she's doing, and she texts back that she is watching Smith and Ellie so that Vance and Kim could go on a date night.

Which means I'm heading there I guess.

I lie and say that I'm at a label dinner. Which has been the case the past two nights, which makes it believable.

I order an Uber, which has a 30 minute wait.

Cool...I think to myself.