After Never

Chapter 5

Hardin

I keep having this strange dream that I'm in London...I'm in London and I'm out of fucking control. Just wild, reckless and creating havoc wherever I am...

So no longer am I having my nightmares. It's these dreams...

These dreams that feel too fucking real, and I wish I knew why I keep having them.

And I guess I should call them nightmares too.

Especially this one.

My old mates Dean and Reed are with me at a pub in London...we are having a drink, when next thing I know Reed has a gun pressed to my head.

I can't understand what he's telling me to do. All my brain is capturing is the gun pressed to my head...I feel like I keep asking him why? But I still can't understand what he's saying. It's silent and then boom!

That wakes me up. I wake up sweating. I look over and Tessa isn't lying next to me.

I grab my phone off the nightstand to check the time and realize it's late...it's almost 10. Fuck I slept in. I was hoping to wake up early with Tessa...possibly cuddle for a little, maybe even have a repeat of last night...

Vance told me last night that him and Kim are expecting. I'm really happy for them.

He was acting really weird last night though. He kept talking about Ken and how he treated me as a kid, and how much he regrets not being there for me more. I told him it was fine. Me and my mom were not his responsibility. He did a lot for us that he didn't have to do and I told him how grateful I was for that.

He started crying. And I'm really not good when people cry so I did what I do know how to do and that's drink so I finished my drink then poured us another...since he clearly needed one...or maybe he didn't...I don't know.

All I know is he was really drunk and really emotional...

Which I don't fault the guy for that....we have all been there.

I go to the bathroom, and brush my teeth before heading downstairs.

I realize I should probably brush my hair too since I look like a mess. Probably from my stupid dream that likely had me tossing and turning all over the place. I wish they would stop or I knew why I was having them...I haven't even talked to Dean or Reed since I left London..why of all people is that who is occupying my fuckin dreams.

I guess in a way there is some relief it's not the usual alternative. But nonetheless I'm still bothered.

When I get downstairs everyone is seated at the table eating breakfast.

"Morning." I say addressing everyone.

Everyone says good morning or at least I think I don't know if I heard Tessa. But I'm walking over to her anyways to give her a kiss. I lean down and she looks up and I kiss her. "Morning babe." I say to her in a chipper tone or at least chipper for me.

"Morning." She simply replies not really matching my tone..is she mad at me? I think to myself.

I brush it off. Because I really want to enjoy this weekend with her. And I'm hoping she's not mad at me. I don't think I did anything for her to be mad at...I've been really trying to do the exact opposite of that.

I've been really fucking trying lately. I figured if we are going to do this whole long distance thing than I have to be all in. And things needed to change. I needed to change.

And I feel like I have. And I know it's only been a month. But in the month she's been gone, we have been really good. Do I miss her like crazy...fuck yea. But I feel good knowing we talk all the time and I feel like we are in a good place and trust each other.