Coffee Conversations

37- Reconcile

We're tucked up on my sofa, encased in blankets as I stare blankly at the image on the screen. We're doing our weekly Saturday midnight movie, but I can't remember what it's called.

I check my phone again, doing my best to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest when I see that the screen still remains completely blank. I sigh, tucking it away. I press it against my thigh, knowing that the only stimuli my body is watchful for is the vibration of a message.

Something. Anything.

But with every second that passes, my body seems to deflate in a sea of hopelessness.

"Ok, what is it?" Blue's voice asks, the image on the screen pausing.

"Hmm?"

I turn and look at him, my vision focusing at last on his tight frown.

"What's going on?" He demands.

"Nothing." I say immediately and he exhales impatiently, looking away.

I watch as his hands run through his hair, a gesture that I know means that he's feeling out of his depth and helpless.

"It's not nothing. You've been distant and sad and quiet for three weeks. You never go home, you're hiding out in here every second you're not at work. What is it?" He demands.

"I told Everett about us." I blurt, my chest hollow as I feel my throat seize at the memory.

I haven't been home since. Haven't had a single call from Everett. Not a word. He has really made up his mind, and I can't think of a single way to appease him. Except the inevitable.

Blue's expression softens, before his brows pinch again.

"Your brother is living with a maniac, who is also a man. Surely he doesn't have a problem with you dating a guy?" He asks and I shake my head, a soft exhalation escaping my lips.

That was the least of his concerns.

"No, he doesn't care that you're a man." I say weakly.

I can't bring myself to look him in the eye though, so unwilling to show him how ashamed I am.

"Ah. I see." He says softly.

I exhale slowly, my head crashing against my drawn up knees.

"It's me." He says, a statement rather than a question.

I shake my head, looking at him.

The acceptance in his eyes breaks my heart, driving me towards him. I'd do anything to make that look of inadequacy go away, for he is more than enough.

"He doesn't think I'm good enough for you?" He questions lightly.

"I don't care. He's wrong." I say vehemently and he laughs softly, caressing my jaw.

He's looking at me with eyes so adoring that if Everett were here right now, he'd take it all back in a heartbeat. All his cruel assumptions and bitter, hurtful decisions.

"You are too good for me." He says softly.

I scowl at him, shaking my head fiercely.

"No, I'm not. You're wonderful." I argue, reaching for his hand.

"You sort of have to say that, you love me." He reminds and I smile.

"Yes, because of who you are, all of you, good and bad." I say.

"You love them." He adds.

I roll my eyes.

"In spite of hurtful assumptions. They're my family, they're all I've ever had in the world." I reason.