Coffee Conversations

36- Imposter

"And then I told her that I quit, I'm running away with the circus and I'm pregnant with Everett's child."

I stare at my mug, nodding vacantly.

I vaguely register Ledger's fingers grasping my mug, and my eyes drift up to watch as he draws it to his lips and licks the entire rim.

I frown at him, but can't find it in me to fight it.

"Okay. What the hell is wrong?" Ledger demands, slamming my mug on the table.

The table creaks in protest, and the sharp sound of abused porcelain is enough to make me wince.

"What do you mean?" I ask weakly.

"I mean you're not Grey. Imposter!" Ledger accuses, pointing a finger at me.

My eyes flicker towards my lap, guilt flooding my system. He's right. I'm not paying attention at all and I feel awful, but I can't help it.

"Grey, what's wrong?"

I glance up, completely unaccustomed to the softness of Ledger's tone. His eyes are gentle, his entire demeanour changed as he reaches out and I want to sob at the sight of it.

"He loves me." I whisper, my bottom lip wobbling as I feel my eyes sting.

Ledger leans back, his eyes flickering towards the counter.

"Troll doll?" He asks and I laugh half-heartedly.

"Yes, but no." I say, shaking my head.

Ledger frowns.

"Everett." I mumble.

Ledger's eyes widen in understanding.

"You told him." He murmurs, more in confirmation than anything else, and I nod.

"Over the weekend."

"That explains a lot..." He mumbles thoughtfully. His fingers tap against the wooden arm of his chair as he frowns, his gaze unfocused and distracted.

"And he doesn't approve." He adds lowly, not even a question.

"No." I whisper.

"Does he know?" Ledger asks, inclining his head towards Blue. I shake my head violently.

"Grey, it doesn't matter what Everett thinks." Ledger reminds and I shake my head again, bitterly.

"You know that it does." I say quietly.

Ledger sighs, nodding to himself. He knows how much sway my eldest brother holds.

"He's not talking to you?" He guesses and I feel my eyes well up.

"None of them are." I confess, my voice catching in my throat.

It'll be Everett's influence. He'll have said something to them to keep them from contacting me, using the oldest, cruellest trick in the book to get his own way, for the simple reason that he thinks he knows best.

I feel bereft, completely empty at the loss of my family and it's choking me. The isolation, which is usually bearable, now claws at my chest so much that I can hardly breathe. My connection to them through texts and calls is the only thing that makes living away from them bearable. And now...I've never felt so alone.

"Stubborn bastard." Ledger mutters, his fist clenching.

He watches me for a moment, an intensity burning in his eyes as I feel my shoulders crumple smaller and smaller until I feel like I might disappear completely. I want so badly to not care what he thinks, what anybody thinks, but this is my family.

What they think will always matter.

"I'm surprised he's letting you see me." I admit finally and Ledger scoffs.

"He doesn't know, and frankly he doesn't need to. I keep my own agenda." Ledger says proudly and I envy his carefree attitude. Ledger has never really had a family to take into consideration, having grown up with the knowledge that he was a disappointment to his very catholic relatives, he no longer had anything to lose. As heartbreaking as that is, I almost envy the freedom.

But I know that it must hurt him, that that sort of pain scars and never properly heals. I know because despite how scatty and unreliable he is, he religiously attends our family gatherings, and never forgets a birthday and would rather die than give any of us up.

"He tried to stop you?" I guess. Ledger's eyes narrow and I know I'm right.

"He can't make me give up my family any more than I can be made to give up him. That's how love works." Ledger says.

I smile softly at his unintentional soppiness, my heart feeling warm for a moment.

"Are your brothers really not talking to you?" He asks, his voice appalled.

It had only been 4 days ago, but it has been the longest four days of my life, and my phone has been radio silent. Even Amyas, my closest brother, and the only other person who knew, hasn't said a word. I don't hold it against him though, arguing against Everett is not something you do lightly and they have so much history.

I nod, completely distraught.

Ledger frowns, his fingers tapping absently against his mug. His eyes look far away, a disconcerting focus on his face and I decide that I'd rather not know what he's planning.

"Don't get involved, Ledger. I don't want you and Everett to fight." I plead.

"Even though he's being unreasonable?" He demands. I shrug.

"He's doing it because he loves me. He wants the best for me." I reason.

Ledger rolls his eyes dramatically.

"He's hurting you. Everett doesn't know what's best if it bit him in the arse. He thought dumping me was 'best', and look how that turned out." He points out triumphantly and I regrettably admit that he has a good point there.

But Ledger doesn't argue further, instead reaching forwards and encasing my hand in both of his.

"Everything will work out, Grey. I promise." He says, his warm chocolate brown eyes doing more to convince me than days of trying to convince myself.

And for a moment, I believe him.