leo, leonis (Akutagawa x Reader)

Chapter Twenty Two

A/N I decided to split this part into two chapters, so this is what I've actually been so anticipating to write.

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Akutagawa didn't break the silence between them as they exited the graveyard. It wasn't that he didn't want to, that he didn't have questions, didn't want to comfort her in some way but rather that he didn't want to intrude on her space. This was something close to her heart, something deep inside herself she had made him privy to. He wanted to prove himself worthy of her doing so.

He closed the gate gently behind them and turned back to Y/n who was waiting beside it for him.

"You asked, a while ago now, how I got my name." she said as they began to walk.

"I did." he nodded.

"Do you still want to know?"

He paused in thought for a moment. It had been a strange day, full of unexpected turns. This was just another in the long line it appeared. It was important to him that he didn't let the ravenous appetite of his curiosity get the better of him.

"If you're willing to share."

She took a deep breath.

"I think... I think I may be."

Y/n fell silent and Akutagawa sent her a doubtful glance. Her vulnerability was a blessing and a curse. He couldn't help but feel he was crossing some invisible, arbitrary line.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. There's no pressure."

A slight smile drifted lazily on to her face.

"No, it's just odd is all."

"What is?"

"It will make the four people excluding me currently walking around alive in this world knowing the truth into five."

"I didn't realize that few people knew the truth."

Y/n shrugged, her hands finding homes in her pockets.

"Rumors are good and the name spawns rumors."

"I see."

"People wouldn't be as scared of me if I was called 'the kitten' or some shit, or just Y/n. Or L/n. And I don't want to be called Dazai. Without the name, I'd just be some kid with no ability."

"Gin doesn't have a name like that."

"Gin's different. Gin has me. I had no one, no one without an ability at any rate."

"What about Tachihara?"

Y/n paused for a moment in thought before shaking her head again.

"I don't know how to explain it but it's not the same. Tachihara is a man. There is an inherent power there."

"I see." he said again.

"Do you actually want to know?" she asked suddenly, watching him out of the corner of her eye, a serious expression settling on her face, "And I'm not forcing you to listen to me ramble?"

"I do." he replied firmly, "I promise."

Y/n sighed softly. The sun was beginning to set, sending shards of liquid gold across her face. They tangled in with the mess of her hair, glinting off the glass of her eyes.

"You certainly look like one. A Lion, I mean." Akutagawa mused and Y/n laughed lightly.

"That's the truth of it, you know? I didn't lie to you that day. That's why they call me the Lion. Not because I'm vicious or because I've done anything special. It's all in the hair."

"And the eyes."

"I suppose."

They fell silent, rounding a corner. It wasn't a long walk back to the Mafia headquarters, maybe ten minutes. Their conversation had a limit. He somehow knew as soon as they entered those tall glass doors, her lips would be sealed.

"Is that the whole story?" Akutagawa asked after a moment and Y/n shook her head.

"I mean, kind of. If the story is a tree, then that's its branches. The roots are something other."

"What are the roots?"

"The roots that bite, the roots that scratch. The roots are that it is what my mother called me: her Little Lion. When I'd wake up in the morning, all big yawns and tangled hair? Her Little Lion."

"She must have loved you."

"She did." Y/n smiled sadly, "I like to think she still does. I was lucky."

"That you were." he agreed, "I still don't understand how it ended up being your name in the Mafia though. I mean, it's not exactly the sort of thing most operatives go by, the name their mom called them as a kid."

Y/n let out a light laugh, glancing lazily up at him for a moment.

"You've got that right. It's the Boss's fault, actually."

"Really?" he turned to look at her as they stopped at a street light, waiting to cross.

Y/n nodded.

"Do you want to hear that story too?"

"You seem to be in a sharing mood."

"I guess so. Visiting her always makes me think about the past."

"So tell me. I'll listen."

There was a pregnant pause before Y/n cleared her throat and began to speak again. An intimacy like honey, like thick fog, hung between them.

"Osamu called me it too," she began, "when we were younger. Especially after mom died. I think... I think he was trying to be helpful, but it felt like a knife in my chest every time he did it. Anyways, one time Mori over heard him calling me that and it became the only thing he would call me. I was young and he was frightening. I didn't like it but, there wasn't really anything I could do. When I joined the Mafia officially a year or so later, it caught on. So here I am: the Port Mafia's Lion."

"Your mother's Lion." Akutagawa corrected.

"My mother's Lion." Y/n nodded, raising a fist to her chest, her voice trembling slightly.

"You'll never stop being that, you know. No matter who else calls you by that name."

"I know. It took me a while to realize it, but I know." her voice still shook.

The light changed and they crossed the street.

"At first... at first I hated it. It felt disrespectful, it felt crude, sacrilegious even."

"What about now?"

"Now? It feels like a blessing."

"What do you mean?"

"I get to carry her with me everywhere I go. Her memory, her love. All of it. Even if other people don't realize what they're doing, when they call me by that name, they are keeping part of her alive in the world around me."

"That's lovely."

"I guess. I don't know, it's just how it is."

"And its lovely." Akutagawa insisted, "It is like a poem. Like... like a love song almost."

"It feels like screaming into a black hole." she admitted, "It's a strange sort of love, isn't it? Parents."

"When it is love, yes."

"When it is love. As I said, I was lucky."

They walked up the stairs to the doors of the Port Mafia, their conversation having reached its predetermined end. Y/n's hand hovered above the handle. She turned to him.

"I'm glad you came with me today. It was nice."

"What else are friends for?"

The word was bitter on his tongue. She opened the door.

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"The roots that bite, the roots that scratch." is in reference to Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll "'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!//The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!//Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun//The frumious Bandersnatch!'"