leo, leonis (Akutagawa x Reader)

Chapter Twenty Five

A/N Yall, I am so close to having written this whole book in a single weekend. Idk what's wrong with me, I just got excited.

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"You won't fucking believe what just happened." Y/n announced as she swung tiredly through the door to Akutagawa's office.

He looked up from his computer, turning to her as she stalked across the room and collapsed in the chair across from him.

"Are you going to tell me?" he asked after a moment, shutting his computer.

"Mori tried to use me as a bargaining chip."

Akutagawa's blood ran cold.

"He did what?"

"Well, 'Samu did it first. Tried to anyways. He had this idea... wait, do you know where I was?"

"You were with Black Lizard at that meeting with the Agency's president, right?"

"Yeah. Okay. Just checking. Anyways, the meeting ended up being the Agency wanting to discuss a ceasefire."

"That would never work." Akutagawa scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

"I know, right? It was a stupid idea. I think the Were-tiger might've been responsible for it."

"What a fool." Akutagawa shook his head, "I don't know what Dazai sees in him."

"Me neither."

"So what happened?"

"Well, that's what everyone was saying, that it would never work. Or, Mori and the President were saying at any rate. But then, Dazai cut in and was like 'what if we trade hostages? Give me Y/n.'" Y/n scoffed, leaning her head back, watching the ceiling as she sat lazily across from him, "And of course, I said no way in hell was I gonna go with him and Mori also denied the trade at first, but then the President of the Agency brought up the fact that we had hurt their members a lot or whatever? And Mori was like, 'yeah but they didn't die. Give us you're doctor, and you can have Y/n.'"

At the sound of Akutagawa's hand hitting the table, Y/n lowered her head, staring right at him. He had come to a stand, tension coursing through his muscles. Seeming to have realized what he had done, he delicately took his hands from the desk and sat back down.

It had been an arrow of displeasure, an arrow of resentment, shot straight from fury's bow. It had cut through him from his toes, finding a home in his heart, and pulled him up from the table.

"Sorry." he grumbled.

"No, I agree. It was fucking ridiculous. And that wasn't even the worst part. Remember how I told you I ran into Osamu last week? At the cafe?"

Akutagawa nodded.

"So, I told you the part about him telling me why he left, but what I didn't tell you..."

 Y/n trailed off, her cheeks flushing slightly pink. She looked away from him in embarrassment of what she was about to reveal, her eyes finding her hands. It felt like showing someone an open wound. It had been a foolish thing for her to ask, a stupid thing to wonder over. She was ashamed by her own infirmity.

"What I didn't tell you, is that I asked him why he didn't tell any of us he was going to leave, why he didn't tell me. Why he didn't... ask me to come with."

"Was this his idea of making things better?" Akutagawa asked in indignation after a few moments.

Y/n felt a wave of relief wash over her. He hadn't made fun of her, hadn't jeered, called her an idiot. Not that he had ever done any of those things before, not meaningfully anyways, but the fear had still been there. She cared what he thought of her.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, "That's what I was thinking. He said he wanted to get to know me again, and I told him it was too little too late. From the President of the Agency's reaction, and the reactions of his coworkers that were there, I don't think any of them knew I even existed. I get trying to escape an old life, but I can't help but wonder..."

"If he ever directly implied he was alone in the world?"

Y/n nodded, looking away.

"What if someone asked him if he had any siblings, or any family, and he said no? What if he erased my existence, Aku."

"He couldn't do that." Akutagawa leaned forward onto his desk slightly as he spoke, bridging the gap between them, "You exist with or without him. You don't need him to... to recognize you for you to exist."

"But you do?" she asked, turning to him.

"I-" his breath caught in his throat.

"Old habits die hard." she laughed sadly.

"I guess they do."

He took his arms off the table, sitting upright in his chair once again.

"What a day!" Y/n groaned, throwing her head back once again.

"I'm going to have a talk with the Boss I think." Akutagawa hummed thoughtfully.

"Why?"

"He... after we found out that man was still alive, he asked me to keep an eye on you. Make sure you didn't try and leave."

"Oh, so we're not actually friends?" Y/n teased, meeting his gaze once more with a mischievous little grin, "You've just been a spy this whole time? Making sure I don't defect?"

"No, that's not what I meant. You know that!"

She laughed, pulling her legs up onto the chair and folding them beneath herself. Akutagawa shook his head in exasperation at her antics.

"I'm just conflicted is all."

"Aww, are you gonna go yell at him for trying to sell me to the enemy?"

Akutagawa looked away, feeling the heat rushing to his cheeks.

"Oh my god, wait." Y/n leaned forward, her hands on her knees, "That was your plan?"

Akutagawa didn't reply. She shook her head slightly, a light smile playing across her lips.

"I can fend for myself, Aku. I wouldn't have let him do it then and I wont let him do it if he tries again."

A sheet of silence cut the air between them. Akutagawa felt the tingling of nerves in the tips of his fingers, in his chest.

"You wouldn't rather be with him?"

His question was quiet, somewhat hesitant. Y/n's eyes went wide for a moment before they softened.

"I think, if he had asked me when he first left -- or even a few years ago, honestly -- I would have said yes."

"But now?"

His heart clenched, his eyes on the floor beside him as he waited for her reply.

"Now? Aku, this is my home." 

There was a force with which she said the word that drew his eyes to her once more. Y/n stared wistfully out the window, a strange and slightly conflicted expression upon her face.

"Yeah but, he gave you a way out. If you want it."

She turned to face him.

"I don't, that's the thing. I don't really know how to explain it, there is just... there is something keeping me here. In a good way!" she quickly qualified her initial statement, "In a good way. I just... when I was younger, when I was still finding my way in the world, still hoping someone would hand me a place in it, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But I've worked hard. For my position, my friends, my life. I couldn't just leave it all behind. I'm not like him, and I don't want to be."

"But you might have to be."

"I'd sooner die."

There was a reassurance that came with her final statement. A fear too, one that crept in the back of Akutagawa's mind, one that slithered like a snake through his subconscious. With the way she spoke, the way she watched him, the profundity of it all, he knew the fear was unfounded. She wasn't his, but she was here and she was here to stay.