Ruqaya (wlw)

chp.12

✧Hannan✧

I found myself leaving the palace very late, not by will but because prince Hassan had me working just so I would be close to him. I was offered a place for the night but I choose not to spend a night in the palace, I miss Alexa already.

She and Dave had left earlier with Zaki to pick some clothing materials but by now I guess she'll be at her home. When i got back I found them in the front yard discussing around a night lamp, I greeted but Alexa didn't even turn to look at me. It hurt me so bad, I found myself asking so many questions in my head having no answer to them.

I don't remember doing anything wrong, she's not angry because I left with the prince is she? If that's the case, I had no choice. I didn't want anyone to question us, yet sometimes I feel like I'm overreacting, I keep pushing her away due to fear.

I always have this feeling that someone might find out just by seeing us standing close to eachother, I don't know if it's the fear of being caught or the guilt inside me, the voice telling me that I'm doing something wrong and that i should stop.

I brushed everything aside, freshened up and relaxed on my bed. I few times I jerk up to little noises hoping Alexa knocked on my door. I look at my old watch, it's almost midnight, i sigh placing wura aside as i put on my slippers. Causing the creaking sound of my door, I silently walk towards Alexa's knocking a few times. She opened the door her face dropping instantly, did she not want to see me?.

She makes way for me to walk inside shutting the door after, I stood there staring at her for a while before finally breaking the silence.

"Are you okay?" I asked, she ignores me walking towards her bed "Alexa?" I called to confirm if she was really ignoring me or she just didn't hear me. She glances at me ones sitting on the bed, she picks up a book she might have been reading from beside a lamp on the table.

I walk closer to her closing the book aggressively tossing it back on the table. I know me so well, I hate being ignored, if there is a problem she has to tell me without being childish about it.
"What happened all of a sudden? Why are you ignoring me?" The annoyance in my voice can be heard.

"Nothing I.. look Hannan it's you.."

"Me what? You're the one who suddenly decided to be a baby, you're the one ignoring me. What did I do?" My voice growing louder, Alexa rises from her bed to face me with sad eyes, I feel sorry for raising my voice instantly.

"What did you do? Hannan you act like we are a committing murder everytime we are together, do you know how that makes me feel?" As suspected that's what has been bothering her but again I can't help it, I'm scared.

"Oh, what do you want me to do? Announce it in the middle of the village that I'm in a relationship with a woman?"

"No! No! You don't have to announce anything, you're announcing it already by showing too much fear. It makes me feel like... like..."

"Like what Alexa?"

"Hannan are you ashamed of me?" She asked making me scoff. She doesn't know how much I love her, how much she means to me.

"Ashamed of you? That's something a man will tell a woman in a situation like this?"

"Are you saying I have to be a man to..."

"No! Listen to me.." I cup her chin with both hands "what i meant was, if one of us where a man and the other is scared of public eyes then you can say it's being ashamed but in this case Alexa we have no choice but to be cautious" She pulls down my hand to avoid my eyes but I put it back moving closer "I love you Alexa, and I'm trying, I am trying so hard but at the same time I don't want to loose you" I spoke from my heart making her expression change. She pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't care about us. I'm sorry" My voice beginning to shake.