AFTER HIGH SCHOOL

Chapter twenty five

AARON HERNANDEZ

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I walked out and relieved it.

She did what now?
Cassandra! Cassandra! Cassandra!
Let me be, please. I beg of you sweetheart. Just let me be.

I pull at the strings of the hair on the top of my head feeling the feeling of impotence wash me over.

"I told the truth. I did this video where I explained everything to the whole world. Everything about us, I told the truth and luckily it took over my parent's lie. Sarah and Brian helped a lot. I...I am sorry my family took you through such trauma in the first place. It...it was neither's fault but my parent's, I uh I apologize for them."
Was this supposed to make me feel better? If yes then she failed at it so miserably.
If anything I feel like shit.
Total, absolutely shit.

Why? Why Cassandra? Why torment me like this?

It shouldn't have been you, sweetheart. It should not be you shielding me at everything. It should be me, it fucking should be my coward ass out there being ridiculed by the whole world, not Cassandra.

I want to kick something, I want to scream at the world, tear it down in shreds.

Why? Does she keep doing this?
I could burst just from thinking it, and staying is no option of mine anymore.
I should just run, hide, feed in my impotence, my embarrassment, my
miseries.

And I do just that but I don't get far away.

"Running already?" I stop and turn to glance at my brother walking back from the beach.
Just my luck today.

I put my hands in my pockets and just let the feeling of being caught in doing the walk of shame eat me.
Exactly what I deserve.
Not a very good feeling though, I tell you.

"She sacrificed herself B," I say with my gaze lowered. I am such a crying baby recently and as much as I hate it. I don't care anymore.

"She put herself out there for the whole world to ridicule for things she didn't deserve. It should have been me, Brian. It should have been me." A sob cracks deep down from my throat. My shoulders shake and before I know it, I am crying like a bitch on my brother's shoulder while he holds me and pats me like a baby.

It's a horrific sight but at this point, the only horrific thing I see is Cassandra, innocent and young facing the world's cruelty at just her age. I shouldn't have done what I did or better she should have waited, waited a little bit longer and I could have taken all of that from her shoulders.

She is too innocent to be tarnished in this way and it's all because of my fault. I swear I will never, never forgive myself.

"It is not your fault brother. Please stop beating yourself up for things that weren't in your control." Brian says like he was hearing what was roaming in my head.

"E-everything was in my control B, in my fucking control. All I had to do was not get close to her that night but she shined. In a room full of men and women she shinned like a shooting star and I couldn't help myself but fuck me. I should have helped it." He pats my back.

I pull back and look at him.
"The same night she told me she was pregnant, I shouldn't have run, I shouldn't have gone to find solace in the bottom of brown liquor, B. I shouldn't have left her crying like I left her crying that night. I shouldn't have been knocked up the next day that she had to carry me on her fucking shoulders at the top of everything she had on her shoulders, Brian. She shouldn't had to worry about escaping me from her parents. She shouldn't had to sacrifice her..."
Dots. Dot. Fucking black dot is now what I see.