His Lisichka

Chapter 5

"You're not leaving until you can truthfully say you're full, so open up." His eyes are burning into mine and I awkwardly open my mouth and he feeds me the spoonful. I slowly chewed, forcing the spoonful down. He was right, it was good, it was just agonizing to eat. He does this again and shoots me a warning look when I try to refuse. Before I know it the bowl is gone. "Are you full?" He looks at me. I nod. He places the spoon in the bowl and sets it down. We sit in silence as he takes his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants. "Thank you," I whisper.

I don't know why he bothered but I was grateful yet the feeling of guilt consumed me. I don't know if that's something he usually does with other people but it just felt– intimate like he cared.

He looks at me and doesn't say anything. I get up and grab the bowls walking over to the sink and turning the water on hot, scrubbing the mess off of the bowls and spoons. The sting of the scorching water felt painful but so good on my hands. I release a breath and just like that it's like I'm no longer attached to my body. I was just in it. My eyes move but it doesn't feel real. Nothing feels real.

It's coming back.

I was dissociating. I feel my heart beating in my chest and the world around me feels swirly. I can hear my breaths echoing in my head but it felt shallow, empty. "Victoria," the voice is near me but sounds distant.

"Victoria!" His deep voice was sharp, the bowl in my hand clatters in the sink. I hadn't even realized he turned the sink water off. "What the hell is going on with you?" I can't tell if he's worried or upset. I step back from the sink not replying to him. Grabbing a napkin from the roll I wiped my now pruney hands.

Run away Victoria.

Like you always do.

I went to leave but he was two steps ahead of me. "Victoria." His voice was stern and my gaze lowered to the marble floor of the kitchen. He walks in front of me and lifts my chin with his index finger and thumb.

"You can't avoid all of your problems." A sigh leaves him. I don't bother making eye contact anxiously biting my lower lip. "Stop doing that." His grip tightens and I release my lip from my teeth.

"Look at me." My eyes take a moment as I hesitantly look into his dark ones, his chiseled jaw clenched. When we lock eyes his face softens.

"I know you don't like me. You didn't want this? Well I didn't either." I don't bother to cut him off. "But this is going to have to work. I can't have you freaking out on me. You don't want to tell me what's going on? Fine, I don't expect you to trust me 100 percent. But you can't just run away whenever you see progress in whatever this is." I was searching for something in those dull eyes. Something to tell me he's only saying this because he feels obligated to.

"Stop." The words leave my lips. His thick yet clean dark brows furrow a frown on his face.

"Stop acting like you care, Roman. You could give two fucks about this. You know, you're so confusing." I scoff, my voice cracks, "It's like one moment you don't like me, then you kiss me in front of everyone," the memory from the kiss during our first dance at the reception wants to creep its way back into my mind.

"Then you snap at me, and now you want to take care of me and accuse me of not confronting my issues." The words came out smoothly and harshly but one weight of many feels like it's been lifted from my chest.

He doesn't say anything for a moment but releases my chin from his grip the spark that was flowing through us fades, his fists at his side. "You're right. I'm confused because I don't know how I feel about you, Lisichka." He keeps calling me that and I let out a dragged breath through my nostrils when he does.

"I don't like you yet, you make me feel something different. And I don't like it one bit." The distaste is laced in his tone, "but if another man were to touch you, I'll chop his fingers off and feed them to him. If you keep avoiding me, I'll do anything to grab your attention. If you're lost in a crowd of people I wouldn't stop until I found you even if that means taking people out in the process. And these are things I can guarantee you I wouldn't hesitate on, Victoria."

I gulp my neck growing hot. I hate talking about my feelings and Roman is obviously expressive when it comes to them. We won't work.

His words are meaningless.

He pulls his phone out quickly and starts typing. "Get ready." There it goes again. He doesn't take me not replying to heart but I can sense the distance in his voice. Maybe he's bipolar.

"Where are we going?" my head tilts out of pure curiosity. "To the mall, Dominic is meeting us there." A small smile I try to bite back comes onto my lips. Okay, I love shopping and I haven't seen Dominic in a while.

I managed to leave the spot I was frozen in in front of him. "Don't keep me waiting, Lisichka, we leave in two hours." He raises his voice so I can hear him. I swear I heard him mutter something else but my brain was just happy to have something to distract me.