Unwanted Power: An Armin Arlert Love Story

14. I'll Hold You

The group of friends reunited later in the storage building to catch up, especially with Eren. Some of them, like Jean, wanted to know what had really happened, Jean questioned Eren's intentions and ability to control himself, Mikasa tried to defend him, but it was useless. Eren was still in no full control of his titan form and he had been honest about it. Jean asked him why Eren had attacked Mikasa, and she tried to deny it, but Eren admitted he didn't remember.

"Hear that, guys? That's the situation we're in. Our lives and mankind are in his hands. We'll probably die without Eren ever knowing, just like Marco did." Jean said. Everyone had been affected by Marco's death, he was always a kind person, also obedient and correct. He was also Jean's best friend. Which is why he had been the most affected, Marco's death is what finished convincing Jean that his ability could be better used in the Survey Corps than as an MP.

"Jean, why are you driving Eren into a corner like this?" Mikasa asked.

"You know, Mikasa... Not everyone can blindly die for Eren like you without anything in return. We have the right to know... what exactly we're risking our lives for. Otherwise, we'll waver at the moment of truth. We expect something out of Eren. Let us know what to expect and whether it's worth our lives. So, Eren, we're seriously counting on you, ok?" Jean said.

Eren was surprised, Jean was not just being mean or trying to pick up a fight with him, he was pleading Eren to not disappoint them, and Eren was going to do his best to be the hope mankind needed.

Lexie only looked to the floor, Jean's words had struck her in a different way. He was right, they deserved to be sure. And Eren was really trying his best. It pained her to think her parents would ask he to kill him eventually. How would she do that? What would their friends think of her then? Would Armin and Mikasa ever forgive her if she had to? Besides, if Eren couldn't control the power, what made her family think she could? She felt dirty for being dishonest to her friends, like she didn't deserve her friends to begin with,

And then there was the plan to capture a titan during the expedition, she had strategized with commander Erwin and she couldn't tell her friends about it, couldn't warn them to be prepared to fight. The more secrets she kept, the worse she felt. She walked outside to avoid the buildup guilt to come out. Armin noticed her retreating figure and followed after her outside, it was dark, but the moon shone enough for them to see each other.

"Lexie." Armin called, Lexie turned at her name and recognized Armin, but she didn't stop. "Are you ok?" He caught up to her.

"No... but that's fine." Lexie replied still walking away.

"How is that fine?" Armin wondered.

"Because... just because." Lexie said. Armin grabbed her wrist softly to make her stop.

"Lexie, you can talk to me." Armin said. Lexie turned to face him, but kept looking away, a few tears fell from her eyes, Armin gently wiped away a tear with the back of his index finger.

"Armin..." Lexie trailed off. Armin gently pushed her chin up with his finger, trying to look at her better, but she had her eyes closed.

"Lexie, look at me." Armin asked.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because... if I see your eyes... I won't be able to hold myself." Lexie said trying hard not to burst out crying. She could have calmed herself down with some breathing, but there was no way she could hide from Armin's gaze.

"Then don't." Armin said. "I'll hold you." At those words, Lexie opened her eyes and looked at his determined shiny blue ones.

She sobbed, she buried her face on Armin's chest and cried. Armin, true to his word, held her tight as she cried. He didn't know why she was crying, was she scared? Was she mourning? He didn't care, all he cared about is that he was there for her and she was letting him comfort her.

Lexie finished crying after a couple minutes, she wiped her tears with her hand and looked up at Armin.

"Thank you for that." Lexie said.

"Of course." Armin said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't tell you much." Lexie said. "It's not that I don't trust you, I just... When my parents and I took Eren, they told me some things, confided some of my family's plans for the future of the country. They believe Eren could be a threat, I believe he can be an ally. But... decisions are complicated and I don't agree with many things they want. I'm trying to do my best for the people, but... I'm not happy about what they want me to do." Armin swallowed, he wondered what it was that she didn't want to do, did she not want to be a soldier? Did she not want to watch over Eren? Did she have to do something to convince them to let Eren live?

"You have a heavy burden, Lexie, it's not fair that you carry it yourself." Armin said, knowing well that she was the only heir of the Reiss family. "If you let me, I'll help you carry it as much as you want." Lexie looked at him surprise. "I don't want you to feel alone. I don't care if you can't tell me everything. If you do tell me, I'll keep your secret, if you can't, I'll still be here for you. You'll always have me." Lexie could see the sincerity in Amin's eyes, she trusted him, maybe too much for her own good. Armin realized what he had said, he didn't regret it since it was true, but he was not usually one to express his feelings so freely, mostly in fear of being rejected, but the night offered some kind of secluded ambience for the two of them. Still, he decided to change the topic before he talked too much. "It's late, let me walk you to your room." Lexie nodded at him.

Lexie and Armin walked together, back to Lexie's quarters, Lexie was holding Armin's arm as he escorted her, keeping him close. Once they reached her quarters, she let go, and Armin yearned to feel her hold again.

"Good night, Lexie." Armin said.

"Good night, Armin." Lexie said, gathering her courage, she quickly gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for today." And then she disappeared into her room, leaving a blushing Armin outside.

It took a couple seconds for him to process what had happened, but he finally smiled. He walked back to his quarters with the biggest smile he had had for a while. In all the hell happening around him, Lexie had become his personal ray of sunshine, his light of hope, even if she didn't know.

Lexie was getting her horse ready the next day, just like the other cadets were. She noticed Reiner, Berthold, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Mikasa and Armin getting their horses too and approached them.

"Hi, Lexie." Jean greeted.

"Hi, guys." Lexie greeted back. As she neared them, she noticed Armin's slight blush appearing as he remembered the previous night. She caught his eyes and gave him a meaningful smile.

"Lexie, is it true you created this expedition strategy with Commander Erwin?" Reiner asked.

"Who told you that?" She asked.

"It's talk among everyone." Connie said.

"Well, the whole plan is commander Erwin's. I only helped plan the supplies." Lexie lied with a convincing smile. "I even added some yummy snacks for later, Sasha." It was not a lie, she had indeed helped with the supplies, making sure they had enough weapons and enough medical equipment. She had indeed also helped with commander Erwin's plan, but she couldn't say that.

"Ah! You're a goddess!" Sasha exclaimed. It was evident, though, that everyone was nervous and uneasy. It was their first expedition after all.

"I am nervous too, but I trust commander Erwin. If we all follow the plan, we should be fine." She said, making the others feel a bit better.

"Cadets, to your positions!" The order came. Everyone started moving, but Lexie grabbed Armin's sleeve without anyone noticing.

"Armin, if things go wrong..." She hesitated, she couldn't be selfish, and tell Armin the whole plan, technically she couldn't even warn him. "Just stay alive, please. Be ready for anything." She finally said. Armin turned around and gave her a tight hug.

"You too." Armin quickly kissed Lexie's forehead and the both turned to their horses and took their places.

"Forward!" Captain Erwin's boomingvoice sounded. "We now begin the 57th expedition! Advance!"