SECRETS WE TELL THE STARS

xxiv

It is a few days later when Julian drives me to my first therapy session. I won't say that I am too happy about the situation, but there are a few reasons why I don't voice my opinions loudly.

1) Julian is already having a tough day as it is. Ryan wasn't too pleased about our agreement – that if I start therapy, then I can sleep over at Ashton's that night. (After, they both came to the decision that I could after my second session).

2) Julian already heard enough of my complaints at the house, and I don't want him to get angry at me.

3) He is smoking more often.

However, this does not mean I am against complaining under my breath and shooting Julian a glare from time to time. I understand that Julian prefers if I start group support sessions – to make more friends and meet people my age. But this is a single session. I don't think I'll benefit as much as he expects me to. I don't need fixing.

"Stop pulling faces at me."

I turn to my cousin, whose eyebrows are raised, and a blank expression settles on his face. Him driving me to therapy will be a one-off occurrence he has informed me. Afterwards, I will drive myself there and back the following morning after sleeping at Julian's.

"I'm not pulling faces," I mutter.

"You are." One hand is on the steering wheel, and the other hand leans on the roof of the car. Julian drives slowly but casually, as there won't be any cars seen for a few more miles. The gravel road we drive on is endless. It is only used by us when we leave and enter the land that we belong to. The land that leads to our small house and small bubble.

I turn away and stare out the window. There is nothing to see. I have given up on Julian and I's cow-counting game a long time ago. He always wins and I don't like losing.

"May," Julian says, softer. "It's going to be okay."

"I know it is."

Julian chuckles, but then his voice drops again, serious. "This is a trial. If you don't like it, then you don't have to do it."

"I don't think I have an option," I tell him. "You and Ryan are set that all my problems will be fixed if I attend these sessions."

"We never said–"

"Don't deny it. I can see it on both your faces."

Julian does not know how to respond, so he doesn't. Our car ride to town is tense after that.

When we arrive, I observe the building. It is located on the outskirts, away from the busy people and busy shops. The outside is bricked and swallowed by the sun. Trees line up around the property, casting a dull shadow as Julian parks the car. The windows are long and reveal the bare waiting rooms that we are soon to walk into.

Julian swings his arm around my shoulder after he has locked the car behind us. He sends me too many reassuring glances. "Just try it out, okay?"

I swallow. "Yeah. I know."

The inside is empty. When I informed Ashton about the situation, he told me the centre we were going to was one of the two available in the town. The other was more popular and had a more filled-up waiting room.

I laughed in response and asked him why there were two therapy centres and only one supermarket.

Julian's words interrupt my train of thought. "An appointment for Maya Swan?"