SECRETS WE TELL THE STARS

iv

The next afternoon, I drive to town.

Julian reassures himself more than he reassures me that I'll be okay. That I won't crash the car or run out of gas. That I'll get home in one piece and so will the car. That I'll call him when I get there and when I'm about to leave.

He hands me money and tells me to buy food. I leave after. Through the mirror, the house gets smaller and smaller before it disappears into nothing. It is not the first time I drive alone. I turn on the radio and listen to the static sound of the radio hosts and hum with the music. The drive there is longer than the drive home.

When I arrive, I park by a few other cars and take off my sunglasses. I usually do not keep my appearance clean, settling for an old hoodie or sports shorts and large jeans. However, for some reason, I find the need to dress to impress. It is not because I'm expecting to see Ashton. It's for myself. I want to wear something nice and feel good about myself for once because I usually mope around the house with clothes three sizes too big. I find a pair of low-rise jeans and a shirt. I bring a jacket but leave it in the car. The afternoon isn't cold. It's a warmer season.

I find the local supermarket first. I buy the food that Julian wants. I buy him goods from the local bakery as well. The customers send me a double glance. They don't expect to see a new face, which I'm not exactly. They whisper to their friends, and I smile at them. I don't really care.

I don't know why I end up approaching the diner, but I do. I don't want food, but maybe I can please Julian by telling him that I grabbed something to eat. Though he may not believe me due to it being so out of the ordinary. 

I have been forcing frowns on Julian more recently. I shouldn't be making him so stressed when he's twenty. For some reason, he cares. Too much. 

I've tried everything to make him stop. During our first week here, I did not open up. I shouted at him and told him to mind his own business. Because the person my cousin thought I was, was different from the person he knew. There was a lot I kept hidden from him because I did not live with him in the city. There were a lot of things I did not tell him.

He eventually sat me down and repeated that he would get in my business, no whatever I tried. That he cared because no one else would. He would be there for me, and even though I wasn't used to it, or may not be able to accept it, he was there.

When I enter the diner, I don't know how, I don't know why, but my eyes scan the diner until they meet rough, dark eyes from the back of the diner. Ashton speaks with a group of boys who look like his friends. He leans on their seat and laughs loudly, until the door rings and our eyes lock. His mouth opens and then closes. His friend asks him what's wrong.

Maybe I did dress to impress him.

It had been a while since I had received any male attention. The last being with Tony when I was barely sixteen.

I sit at a small table and flip to the menu. I decide I will order an iced green tea again. I lean back and fix my hair and the sunglasses on my head. Ashton approaches not long after. He has a small smile and louder eyes than last week.

"I didn't expect to see you," is the first thing he says.

"Well, here I am."

"You said you don't come here regularly."

I shrug. "The iced tea was good enough to try again."

"You didn't eat your burger last week."

I raised an eyebrow. "You were watching?"