SECRETS WE TELL THE STARS

xvii

Before I leave Ashton's house, we have a conversation with the stars.

I am not willing to reveal all my secrets.

But I'm Ashton's girlfriend now so I guess that means I cannot keep everything hidden from him even though I want to. Even though I'd do anything to make sure he cannot find out, I know there will be a point in time when he'll be desperate for answers.

I also don't think it's fair that he trusts me with his stories, and I cannot tell him mine.

So, with the starry eyes of the dark sky on us, I admit to him, "I haven't seen my parents in years."

"How come?"

I breathe. The air sparkles white dust. "My father died years ago. My mother wasn't exactly the nicest person."

"So that's why you live with Julian?"

I nod.

"What about your brother?"

"I haven't seen him in years. He showed up and hasn't bothered to leave."

I think my words shock Ashton. He processes my words slowly. The stars are brighter. They listen in, waiting for deeper confessions. They will steal my secrets and then disappear when the sun appears once again.

Ashton and I talk a little more. About smaller, insignificant things. I don't think he wants to push me. Or maybe he's scared that I won't want to be his girlfriend anymore if he pushes me too far. He doesn't need to worry. He does though, his eyes reveal this pretty clearly.

The drive home is slow.

I think about his words.

Ashton tells me softly, "Tell me if anything's bothering you. That's what we need to do now. Since you're my girlfriend."

When I park the car, the time being four in the early morning, I still think of his words. I think of his bright eyes and his hopeful words and what we are now.

The door as usual is unlocked. The lights are on. I rattle the knob and push the door open. Julian reads in the living room. So does Ryan, unfortunately. They both look up when I arrive.

At first, I say, "Why didn't you guys invite me to the party you have going on here?"

Ryan is not pleased. Julian rolls his eyes.

"Curfew was three."

"The drive took longer."

"Then you should have left earlier," Ryan explains slowly as if I'm a kid and don't understand.

"I don't think one hour makes a difference." I kick off my shoes and pull my hair up into a loose ponytail. "I also don't think you can say shit, Ryan. You've been gone for half my life."

"When will you ever drop this?"

"When you back off and stop acting like a parent."

"If I don't, then no one will." Ryan then adds, "Everyone needs a parent."

"Not everyone," I snap.

Julian interrupts fast before the chaos erupts. "That's enough."

Ryan and I turn to him slowly.

Julian looks at me with a knowing glimpse in his eyes. "May, can you come home when I tell you to next time? And if you can't, then at least call me. I know you haven't forgotten our conversation from the other day."