SECRETS WE TELL THE STARS

xviii

I take extra long to get ready in the bathroom when we have to leave.

I pluck my eyebrows and apply a few coats of mascara and fix my lip gloss until it is perfect. I tie my hair out of my face and put in my contacts. I adjust my eyes and blink a few times. I always forget to put in my contacts before I apply my makeup, so tears run down my face, and I have to wipe them away and reapply concealer.

Julian grows impatient leaning against my bathroom doorway whilst he watches me. He yawns into his fist. "You shouldn't have to wear make up for him."

"I'm wearing it for myself."

"Well, I don't get it. You don't need make up."

"Yes, I do," I murmur and take out my mascara again. Julian groans and pulls my arm.

"You've used that stick three times. I'm not waiting for it to dry."

"Fine," I sigh. "And it's mascara."

Julian rolls his eyes and pushes me out of the door. I grab my bag and walk outside with him. I stop in the porch when I see Ryan sitting in the driver's seat of Julian's car.

"He insisted on driving," Julian informs me once observing my confused reaction. "I choose my battles."

"Why can't he take his own car?"

"Ask him."

We walk to the car, and as my hand slides to open the passenger door, Julian scoffs from behind me. "You're sitting in the back, kid."

"Don't call me kid," I complain. "And I got here first."

I open the door but Julian fights me off and pulls me away. He's quicker and manages to slide in before I can take a step forward.

"Julian," I complain. He smugly smiles at me and points to the back seat. I unwillingly comply.

Usually, on the long car rides, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, I talk with Julian. Today though, I'm not tired. I listen to the distance breeze and the sounds the car tires make against the rocky gravelly road. Julian and Ryan's conversation is dull and quiet. They don't have much to talk about, so they end up sitting in silence for a while.

When we are almost at town, Ryan asks me, "Where are we going for lunch?"

"Ashton works there, it's a small diner."

"What's it called?"

"The Diner."

"Oh."

Julian snorts.

We arrive. Ryan parks the car and when I step out, Julian pulls me into a headlock and messes up my hair that I spent so long on perfecting. He whispers in my air, "You're okay right?"

I nod. I wonder if he knows I'm falling apart. I wonder if it's obvious.

Ashton is still finishing his shift when we enter the diner. There are a few pairs of eyes on us, but I think everyone is getting used to our faces now. We are directed to a table at the back, and my cousin and my brother take the side with the wooden chairs, while I slide into the comfortable booth. I tap my menu and scan the options, and a waitress approaches asking for appetizers. She jots our drinks: an iced tea for me, a coffee for Ryan and soda for Julian. My brother slowly gets more impatient because we wait ten minutes and Ashton still does not appear. He raises his eyebrows at me and grows opinions on my boyfriend when he has barely met him.

Then Ashton appears and I can't take my eyes off him. His hair is wet, and his bag is slung over his shoulder. He makes his way to us, pulling his hair out of his eyes and adjusting his white shirt. It looks good on him.