SECRETS WE TELL THE STARS

xxiii

I take him deep into the forest, where my promises lay.

I told Ash a long time ago that I would show him my place in the woods, where I climb trees until I touch the skies. I do not tell him that Julian comes here to add to his small book on birds. I assume that is a secret he would like to keep to himself (even Ryan is not aware of it).

The forest sings memories of the first evening that Julian and I arrived here.

I was always yelling.

I did not know how to live with him. It was difficult to adjust to, when I was accustomed to my mother's bare presence, either of her distance or her shouting. I was also very used to fending for myself, making meals, and cleaning until I forgot to do all those things. Then Julian took on these responsibilities. I wouldn't say I liked it.

He would do these things because he wanted to. I was not used to it. So, I fought with him. I was not used to this newfound assistance, to this newfound support and care he gave me. I pretended to hate it.

After a long day of sore throats and lost tears, Julian knocked on my door and forced me to stand outside. I waited for him. He joined me with his small book and his phone. He told me we would go on an adventure to the forest. It was quiet, the sounds of our feet crushing the ground beneath us and our hesitant breaths the only sound for miles.

Julian reassured me then, when we arrived at these woods, that there would be peace. It would be okay.

I do not tell Ashton this. I let him basket the view and make up his own meaning of the area. Make it his own.

He turns to me after the breeze of hair washes through us. He smiles.

"Can we climb now?"

I grin in response. We find a stable trunk, one that I do not remember if I have climbed before. We find safe footing and then we climb and climb, and we do not stop. At first, it is a race, we pant, and we grin, and our laughter can be heard. Then our steps are careful, we wait for each other, we guide. I tell him where to slide his hands, he waits for me to catch up with him.

When we are as high as we can go, with the sun not far from our fingertips, we rest.

Well, we do not really rest. We are so high from the ground, so we cling to each other and stable bark beside us. Here, we talk.

Ashton brings up, "So why exactly weren't you allowed to visit me this week?"

I sigh. I knew this question would come before it did.

"Julian's not exactly trustworthy."

This pipes Ashton's interest. "What did you do?"

I bite my tongue. "Why do you want to know?"

"Cause then I'll wonder if it was just an excuse not to see me."

I frown. "Why would I do that? I want to see you, Ash. Every day I do."

Ash's eyes shine bright. "Really?"

"I would if I could. We live so far away, that's all."

"Then move into my house. Until the summer ends."

I laugh. Because Ashton's request is the most ridiculous. "You know I can't. And what would your parents say about that?"

I notice it quickly – Ashton's smile slips. It is gentle and concealed well. He smiles back and I do not mention the slight sourness, because it may have been nothing at all.