Magnetic

Chapter 19

Jongin apologized one more time and that was that. We moved on fairly easily. They both spared me the details of their exciting trip, but I was glad they had a good time. They deserved it. I was actually really grateful for the two of them because if they didn't practically force me out of my apartment to "study" with them or grab a meal, I was sure everything I had been feeling over break would have crushed me. I'm not sure where they suddenly found the free time to hang out with me, but I was thankful. They even started a group chat with just the three of us where they constantly sent memes and videos that made me crack a smile, even if I didn't respond.

I saw Danielle for the first time in weeks. I was waiting for Jessi in the commons and the two of them walked in together. I immediately felt betrayal and was ready to be on defense, but Danielle only glanced in my direction before saying goodbye to Jessi and walking away. I was glad that was one less thing I had to deal with. I didn't think I had it within me to take on another battle.

Tuesday, the following week, any progress I thought I was making was almost reverted when I saw Chanyeol on campus and he walked right by me. Literally. If I were to have lifted my pinky, it would have grazed his hand. He could have not realized it was me but that was pretty unlikely. He wasn't on his phone or with anyone. He didn't even have his headphones on. Granted, he could have just been in his own world. I could have said something to grab his attention but I couldn't bring myself to. I knew it was all bound to come to an end at some point but it still was a bit jarring. I assumed we would just come to a mutual agreement and not just pretend as if we didn't know each other anymore. Maybe still be friends without the benefits part. I wasn't necessarily sad about it, but it felt...strange.

"Hello? Brooke? Anyone home?" My attention snapped back to Jessi. It was Thursday, seven days into April. Time was winding down quickly and it just seemed as if things were getting more and more busy. It was crunch time and I was doing my very best to keep up. However, as always, it was reaching a point where it was becoming too much. Taking breaks did not grant me any reprieve. My distractions were not distracting enough. I still constantly thought about my papers, thesis, other projects, pre-final quizzes that seemed like full exams themselves, and actual finals. On top of that, I submitted my acceptance and payment for law school which just made me feel like throwing up. My parents had kept pestering me about it and the deadlines were approaching and if I had to keep thinking about it, I would have thrown myself out of the window. At least it was one less thing on my plate. What was two more years of suffering?
"Sorry, what did you say?" I finally returned my attention to the two people sitting across from me. Jessi had asked me to meet her and Jackson for lunch between classes. I had no appetite. I hadn't had one since before spring break. I'm certain I dropped a few pounds since.
"You've been zoned out. You okay?" There was no way I was about to tell her it was because Chanyeol had walked in fifteen minutes ago with Yixing and they were only a few tables away. I wasn't going to tell her that I was fixated on watching the girl beside him lean against him while stroking his hair. I wasn't going to tell her that the only thing on my mind at the moment was what Jongin said about Chanyeol before break and how he fucked around and how I now wanted to know more about how many girls he fucked around with and how he found the time and who they were. But I had to stop myself. That was none of my business. It never was.
"I was just thinking about my thesis." Seemed plausible enough and they bought it.
"Ugh, don't remind me." She grimaced.
"Hey, at least it's almost over." Jackson said. "I can't wait to present and be done." Jessi and I agreed.
"So, I was thinking that the three of us and Jongin could go to the movies this weekend before things start to get super busy?" Jessi suggested. It was low-lift enough but I didn't know if I would be in the mood. The thought of it already made me queasy. But maybe it was the distraction I needed to keep me distracted and help me reset.
"Okay." I agreed, much to their surprise.
"Great, I'll put it in the group chat." Jessi lit up.
"What group chat? I thought it was just us and Jongin?" Jackson asked.
"Me, Jongin, and Brooke have a separate group chat."
"Ah, okay, I see." He said.
"Don't get jealous." She teased.
"I'm not-"
"What are you guys going to do after graduation?" Their banter was cute and everything but I let my intrusive thoughts win. I felt the hole expanding. The two looked at each other before looking back at me.
"Uh, well I'm starting pharmacy school in the fall so I'll be here." Jessi said.
"I'll be moving back home for a bit to save up for an apartment. The tech company I have been interning with offered me a job that I'm starting in July to give myself a bit of a break." Said Jackson.
"And what about your relationship?"
"Uh, I mean, we won't be far from each other. We'll still see each other a lot." Jackson said intertwining their fingers. I nodded.
"Why do you ask?" Jessi wondered, rightfully so. I shrugged because I honestly didn't know. It could have been jealousy that I had hoped college was where I would find my person or even people I could hold onto after it was all said and done. Or it could have been plain curiosity.
"Just wondering." I settled on. "I have to head to class." It was a lie and from their faces, they knew. They always left before I did.
"Brooke."
"I'll see you." I gave them weak smiles as I picked up my bag and walked away. Out of the building and right off campus.