Magnetic

Chapter 19

I got into law school. Yay. I finally opened the letters over break once I reached peak boredom, along with my parent's constant hounding. I didn't have any top choices, but I was accepted to two out of the five. The two most local ones so I guess that was a sign for me to not pack up and move across the country. Unfortunately. I still haven't decided if I wanted to accept or not. I could always just change my mind, move back to my parent's, and be deemed the family failure. They'd probably kick me out after a few weeks. Okay, they most likely wouldn't, but the possibility was always there.

I deleted my social media accounts because there was no point in torturing myself. I'd rather not see everyone live their best lives while I was stuck here, isolated, and wallowing. I think there was only one day I didn't end up in tears, thus causing me to fall sick. How did that happen? No idea but all I knew was that I felt like shit and was congested as hell. School was beginning again tomorrow, and I accomplished nothing but be miserable. Jongin stopped trying to contact me after a few tries. He fervently apologized through text messages, but I refused to respond. I was still angry with him. I never thought I would ever be angry with him but what he said really struck a nerve I guess. I was nervous he would start reaching out again. I wasn't ready to talk to him. I just needed more time.

From: Unknown [18:14]
Hey
Busy?

My heart started pounding. After I sent him that message cancelling on him, he asked if everything was okay, but I didn't respond. It made me wonder if he felt some type of way about it. Either way, I wasn't ready to talk to him either. I just wasn't in the mood. I was filled with so many emotions, I was afraid I would break down in tears in front of him and that was the last thing I needed. That's not the reason he hits me up. I set my phone aside without responding, knowing he wouldn't follow up. The sad thoughts came back and I popped open a bottle of wine, not bothering with the glass. Probably not the best idea considering I had class the next morning, but I really didn't give a fuck.

I skipped my classes. I wasn't in the right mindset. I stayed in bed until five in the evening and contemplated if I wanted to skip again. The urge was strong. I had a migraine, so I forced myself out of bed to get medicine. But I knew I had to eat first or else I would vomit. Nothing in my refrigerator enticed me so I opted to order out. Strangely enough I was actually craving a burger. I would usually order from Sunset but a certain someone got me hooked on Mirage. Just as I completed the order, a text message popped up on my screen from Jongin.

From: Jongin [17:18]
Hey, I know you don't want to talk to me and you're probably still pissed but I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you the way I did.
You're right, you've gone through enough and it was fucked up for me to ask you to "fix" Sehun
You have your own shit to deal with and he has to deal with the consequences of his actions.
If it means anything, I spoke to him over break. He'll be alright.
I just want you to be alright too.
Again, I'm really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.
I love you.

Damn it Jongin. Ugh. I really have a soft spot for him. He honestly didn't mean any harm. Maybe I was just exhausted from being so mad over break, maybe I was just tired of losing friends, but through the tears, I typed back my response.

To: Jongin [17:20]
Thanks
I'll be Alright
I love you too.

Getting back to functioning was slow. It was Friday and I was only feeling slightly better. Even after forgiving Jongin and meeting up with him and Jessi multiple times over the week, it still felt like I had a hole in my chest. It was clear Jongin told Jessi what happened because when she saw me, she gave me the biggest, warmest hug that almost brought me to tears. I didn't realize how touch starved I was. Not even in a sexual way. Just having the closeness of another person. Receiving some type of affection that made me feel safe. That made me feel like there was someone out there that cared about me. Damn, it was a lonely spring break.