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XV - Lauren's POV

After Camz left my apartment. I can't barely move. My dreaded day has finally came. I avoided this confrontation to happen for years. I took all I can just to prevent this from happening. So, why? Why now, now that I took the courage to brought up my feelings for her. Why it has to be now? All my efforts and fights against myself throughout these years has gone down the drainage. How am I going to explain myself? A single tear fell down my cheeks, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I remember the very 1st year of our new found friendship..

Flashback....

Today is the 1st month of our friendship...

We're at my couch watching probably our 3rd movie for the night. Camila is laying on her side facing the television while her head is resting on my lap. I absentmindedly caressing her hair while we watch.. she's already dozing on and off throughout the movie..

"Hey, Camz you still up?" I quietly asked.. she just hummed in response. "You can go up to my room, I'll sleep on the couch. We'll just continue the movie next time" I nudge her lightly for her to sit up. She stretched and yawns. How adorable.. "why not let's both sleep on your room?" She pouted. "I want some cuddles" she continued.. thank god it's dark she can't see the heat that creeps on my cheeks... just the thought of sleeping with her on the same bed.. while what? Cuddled? That's too intimate for my liking... I just cleared my throat "hmm. Maybe next time?" I respond while standing up and turning off the television.. I picked up all the garbages that we accumulated and throws it to the bin in the kitchen.. she just follows my every move... "please?" She pouted more with that adorable puppy eyes... oh no. I'm doomed...

30 minutes later...

We're both on my bed with her cuddled on my sides.. I can't barely move.. this is so awkward... this is not our 1st time cuddling each other but this is definitely the 1st time that I gave in to her request to cuddle on the same fucking bed... Gosh I'm so whipped....

She nuzzled her head more.. my eyes went wide... Oh gosh!... "camz.. what are you doing?" I asked.. "nothing.. you're just so cuddly.." I just rolled my eyes... after a minute or so.. I thought she might be already asleep.. So, when she spoke up. I got startled....

"Hey Laur.." she said while looking up at me.. I just hummed... "You know when I first saw you. I thought that you looked familiar to me... that's when you told me that I approached you on the 1st day of school year remember?... I thought that's it... but, as the day goes by.. there's still this lingering feeling in me... It feels like I know you somewhere.. but, I can't pinpoint where" she scrunched up her forehead in thought... I myself got confused on her revelation... "Are you sure you don't know me?" I asked her carefully.. she just looked up at me again more confused than ever.. "what do you mean? I mean.. I know you now.. but not like before... maybe I'm just drown to you when I first laid my eyes on you" she giggled "can you blame me.. you're just so hot wearing all black with your leather jacket on sitting casually on you precious motorcycle without care on the world... I feel like  i'm watching a movie..." she giggled more... I can't pay more attention on what she's saying cause I got confused myself... she didn't know me before all this? Is she playing dumb on me? Is this her new tactic in getting back at me? I got angry at the thought so I just quickly stood up and out the room in an instant... I went to the living room and lays face flat on the couch ... I hear her footsteps coming down the stairs " laur.. where are you?" She asked... I ignored her... "there you are.. what are you doing there silly..." she giggled tickling my sides.. "let's go up.. I'm sleepy" she said in a sleepy voice... "then go up and sleep" I replied.. "hey, what's wrong? Did I do something?" She asked kneeling on the floor while caressing my back... "Don't play dumb on me" I said in a cold tone.. "what did I do?" She asked again.. I sat up and face her.. "are you serious! Your going to continue that act?.. well drop it cause i'm not buying it!"... "huh? What are you saying?" She ask confused... I just look at her eyes.. she's telling the truth.. I can see it.. but how? Why?... "seriously.. you don't know me?" I asked her again.. she groaned "is this about that?.. I already told you.. it's just a feeling of familiarity... I just.. I don't know you before the partner thing... I swear to god... but why are you making this a big of a deal? Do you happen to know me by any chance?" She asked but before I can answer her she continued to rant about.. "of course you don't know me.. I spend my whole senior year of high-school getting better after the accident and continued my recovery and studies at home... i'm just so silly.. "she shakes her head.. "and a girl like you.. and a girl like me? Probably not.." she laughs... I just look at her with so many thoughts circling in my mind.. accident?.. what accident?.. "but.. the doctor said that I might have a selective memory loss... but that can't be cause I know all my family members and friends.. Dinah visited me all the time and I do remember her" she giggled again... "silly me again..."... dinah? That's karmila's bestfriend.. but camila?.. karmila and camila is the same person I knew that's her when I 1st laid my eyes on her on the very 1st day.. her face got more defined than usual when I last saw her..... she matured alot her defined jaw lines.. and her body... but I knew it was her.. but when the professor says her name.. I got confused.. I know her name was karmila not camila.. so since then I disregarded karmila and focused on camila instead... but.. this? This all answered my questions.. karmila and camila is the same person... I shook my head and took a deep breath.. these is alot to take in.. it gives me relief at the same time grief.. she forgot about me... but this is my chance to redeem myself... this is my only chance.. so, I never mentioned anything past to her and continued to build up our friendship..

End of flashback.....

That's when I knew... But now that it already on the open... I knew that this time.. I loss her for good.. My only rope that ties with her is now untied and that's when she slips from my grasps.. what now? She already remembered me as the girl from highschool.... all the build up friendship got thrown outside the bus... who am I now to her? Of course nothing...

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A/n
I'm on and off on updating cause of course I found something camren related fanfic to read... 🤭 and i'm updating when i'm already done with the book..  my apologies ✌🏼

Sending lots of love! 🥰
-Nnnnn