Hate My Guts (Kenny x Butters) [Completed]

15

WARNING: This chapter contains depictions of suicide and suicidal thoughts.

What hurt Kenny the most was that Butters knew what was going on.

After he had seen him die again, he still looked him in the face and neglected to tell him the truth. It crushed Kenny. He was more furious with himself for dropping his guard, and letting Butters get close to him so quickly. God, he felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

His chest hurt as he closed the front door behind him, his heart thumping loudly in his ears while he stood in the hallway. Still in shock, Kenny numbly went to the backdoor, desperate for a cigarette. He had been thinking about quitting for Leo, however now, Kenny was about to smoke as many cigarettes as he could. At least it gave him a different feeling other than pain.

Chuckling to himself harshly as tears started to well up in his eyes, Kenny couldn't believe he had let someone manipulate and use him. Even though he didn't understand what Butters wanted from him, he didn't care anymore - he refused to be a puppet for someone else's agenda. And fuck, the longer he thought about Butters, the angrier he got.

The tears running down his cheeks were hot with fury, his fingers attempting to brush them away as fast as they were falling. He couldn't believe it, but somehow this hurt more than watching his parents get taken to prison. Kenny wanted to scream, he didn't know who he wanted to scream at anymore though.

Since he had texted Kyle a few minutes ago about heading home, he wasn't surprised as he heard the front door close. Staying in the back yard though, Kenny didn't want the gang to see him this upset. Craig, Stan and Kyle had all seen him at his worst recently however, this was beyond that. He couldn't control himself as he wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling them to his chest as sobs ripped through them.

"K-Ken?" Kyle's voice came out just above a whisper, as he stood at the back door, shocked as he saw his childhood best friend crumbling on the porch. "What's wrong?"

Despite knowing he could confide in Kyle, Kenny shook his head as he felt Kyle's arm comfortably around his shoulders. It just made everything seem worse, the sobs erupting from the hands that covered his face. "I.." How was he going to explain this? He already knew that Kyle wouldn't believe his immortality, so what was he supposed to say?

Even though he had been upset with Kenny earlier, Kyle forgot about it. Seeing him destroyed like this disturbed him to his core. "What happened with Butters?"

Chuckling dryly, he ran his hands down his face. "I don't know.. I don't really think you'll believe me, Ky."

"You won't know unless you try, I'm here for you, dude." Kyle reassured, confused by Kenny thinking this.

Thinking about it for a moment while he tried to slow his breathing, Kenny knew it wasn't Kyle's fault for not remembering his immortality. It didn't hurt to try again. "Ky, I've told you this before, but I die, all the time." Kyle chuckled in disbelief, only getting a glare in return. "When we went to Butters', I crossed the street and got hit by a car and died. And then.. when Butters decided he'd rather hang out at my house, I got suspicious and noticed the car that hit me was pulling into his driveway.."

Kyle didn't even blink as he tried to process everything, but Kenny wasn't done yet: "I-I remember the car didn't even try to brake before it hit me. Ky, I think Butters and his family are part of the Irish Mob.. and I think Butters was sent to spy on me. Or manipulate me, I don't fucking know."

Shaking his head at Kenny, Kyle was pale as he looked back to him. "Are you.. are you sure? This wasn't just a dream?"

It was the same every time. No matter how much they had been through together, and how much the boys claimed to trust him, it didn't seem to be enough for them to believe him when it came to the truth. He was regretting ever saying anything as Kyle was running his hands through his hair, his mouth agape. He seemed to be losing his shit worse than Kenny had just a moment ago.