Made to Shine - Shining Light - WATTY AWARD Winner

Made to Shine - Shining Light - Chapter 19

Chapter 19

‘Letting go of past anger and hurt is hard. But, when you let God heal your wounds, then He can make everything right again.’

Driving up to her mother’s house, a house that Emily had never been welcomed into, Emily was glad to have Ben and Grandma at her side.

Stephanie opened the door and ushered them inside, “Mother, I’m home!” Stephanie yelled.

“Don’t bellow dear, it is unbecoming,” Julie said as she came down the stairs, with only a few steps left, Julie looked over and stopped seeing the foyer full with company.

“Hello Mother!” Emily said seeing her mother look elegant and regal coming down the steps.

“Julie, don’t just stand there, invite us in,” Grandma said.

“Yes, yes, come in,” Julie said as she led them to the sitting room.

“Stephanie, why don’t you show me your room,” Grandma smiled at her youngest granddaughter.

“OK.” Stephanie led Grandma up the steps leaving Emily and Ben alone with Julie.

“I didn’t mean to disrupt you. She came by the bakery with some questions and I thought it best since I did not have the answers to bring her home for you.”

“Thank you. I do appreciate that!” Julie sounded a little frustrated that she had let things go this far. Emily wasn’t sure if it was because Stephanie sneaked out to visit her sister or if it was Emily herself. She wanted to talk to her mother, but Julie had never seemed like she wanted to get things out in the open, “I guess we do need to talk.” Julie offered.

Seeing a door open, Emily decided to walk through. “I heard you talking to Grandma a while back. I know what happened, and I am sorry for that. But, I will not apologize for being here, being alive and a part of this family.”

As Emily talked she looked around the room her mother had led them to. The sitting room had posh white furniture on glided carved legs in a chic decor. Her mother sat in a Queen Ann style chair and a maid brought in a pot of tea and three cups. Julie stood and poured tea for everyone. Emily could see that her mother’s hand shook a little as she thought about what to say.

“Emily, yes if I had the choice to be pregnant at sixteen I would have chosen not to be. I hid it well until after the school term and then had you over summer vacation. You were so cute, I wanted to love and protect you the moment you were born.” Julie took a deep breath and then continued. “I returned to school my senior year and Mother kept you at the bakery. During that year, I realized how much I needed to live my life and that I would not be able to be happy with a toddler in tow. Those first few months after graduation, after I left you at home were the hardest. I would hear a baby cry or say ‘mama’ and my heart would break all over again. I knew what I did not only gave me a chance at real life, but it gave you one too.” Julie looked over at Emily with a sadness in her face that Emily had never seen before. “You deserved a better mother. You deserved a better life than the one I could give you.” She gave Emily a weak smile.

Taking another deep breath, Julie continued while Emily sat on the sofa holding Ben’s hand for support. “I went to college and I really didn’t care what degree I was given as long as at the end I had a MRS degree and a new life.” A smile reached Julie’s lips, “That is where I met Jonathan. He was idealistic, wealthy, eager to marry and he loved me.” A small laugh escaped Julie’s smile, “he actually adored me. At first, I did not want to tell him about you and that night that changed everything. I was happy for the first time in a very long time, so, I didn’t. Then it became easier and easier to not admit I had a daughter. By the time he found out about you, Charles had been born. He was mad at first. Mad that I had kept you from him and us. When I explained that Grandma was more of a mother to you than I was, he understood and helped me keep the secret from the children.”

Emily opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again quickly.

“I never hated you. NEVER. Yes, you remind me of something I wish never happened, but I never wished you were not born. I put up this wall around me and mentally kept telling myself that you were the enemy. That you meant everything bad that had happened to me. But you weren’t. Every time I would say something nasty or hurtful to you, I would come home and hold Stephanie or Charles tighter wishing I was holding you.” Julie took a sip of her tea allowing the hot liquid to melt the lump that was forming in hear throat.

Emily tried to stop the tears that were flowing from her face. Her mother had not looked at her for most of the conversation, allowing her to go through the stages of relief, shock, hurt, anger and finally love. Emily realized that her mother loved her and that was all that mattered.

“After Mother was in the hospital and I came to see you, I would never take the bakery or your home from you. But, it hurt a little knowing that you went to steps to make sure I couldn’t. I wanted to see you and be proud of my daughter who had accomplished so much in her life without me. But, in the end, it hurt to know that you did all of this on your own. Without my support and love. You are a beautiful, caring, loving, successful woman and it hurt to know that I had nothing to do with any of it.”

Julie turned to face Emily and saw the streams of tears running down her daughter’s face. Years of hiding her emotions for her daughter she had abandoned broke through and she was at her side holding her, pulling her to her chest and cradling her daughter, her first born, like she had wanted to for so many years.

Rocking her daughter in her arms, with tears running down both women’s cheeks, Julie said, “I love you Emily, I always have and I always will. I am just not good at admitting my wrongs. And I have wronged you, and I am sorry. So very, very sorry!”

“I love you too Mama,” Emily whispered with a knot in her throat. “I love you too and I forgive you.”