TRADE

Chapter two: Resistance training

I am in hell and I've been engaged for less than a day. Father began my 'reprogramming' this morning. It's now noon and I'm dreading this afternoon.

My morning has been trying. Holding hot coals for as long as I can bear it. Sitting periodically in a room full of steam and candles until my sweat soaked through my gown. My lovely plum dress with the corseted bodice is ruined. Every hour, I must ingest 'elixir'. It's supposed to warm me from the inside as they theorise I am cold blooded. I am partial to spicy food but my god, the stuff hurts on the way down. It's brown, chunky and rips at my throat. The burn is similar to when we drink vodka during celebrations. Only worse.

I cannot help but feel that this is somehow a punishment for running away yesterday. I am sure my behaviour embarrassed father but who could blame me? Not a single warning. Dropping life altering news like that casually and expecting me to maintain perfect composure. Ridiculous. Now I'm putting my body through this grueling process for a marriage I do not want. The entire situation is brutally unfair. Even if I must be betrothed to a stranger, these weeks could be spent getting to know him. Knowing who will own me shortly. Who will deflower me. Whose children I shall carry. Instead, he's somewhere in the palace being idle and I'm suffering.

I dip my spoon into my soup and stir absent mindedly. I know I should eat but my life is suddenly depressing. Normally, I'd be delighted to have a hot bowl of spiced hare stew. Especially the way Cook Julie makes it. Flavourful with tender meat and perfectly spiced. But not even my favourite dish can lift my spirits. My heart both broke and sunk last night. It cannot move from the pit in my stomach. As I spin my silver spoon through the broth and wade in my misery, Oren joins me. Presumably to tell me off. Not even Orens lecturing can reach me now. I'm a million miles away.

"Wyn...I am sorry." Three words he's surely never said before. And doesn't have to. Which makes them all the more meaningful. I respond with a little grunt. All I can muster right now. "I had not thought to tell you prior to the announcement. Now, I see I was wrong. So I forgive you for running out and I hope...you can forgive me for my shortsightedness" he says tightly. Apologies do not come easily for him. I nod. Saying 'yes I forgive you'. Nothing more is exchanged.

"Come now. Must you be so quiet. Have you taken a vow of silence to spite us all?" He asks. Trying to eliviate his own guilt.

"I'm already training to be a wife. Seems that's what is expected of me. Silent compliance." I mumble. Forcing myself to eat another spoonful. I hear Oren sigh. Frustrated by my little retort. This is all the power I have. A quick quip at my older brother. That's all I have control over.

"Now Wyn. Marriage isn't all bad and I'm sure Augustus would love to get to know you" I don't believe that for a second. My betrothed hasn't even looked me in the eye. He has no interest in me and why should he. The one thing I'm certain we have in common is total powerlessness.

"Thank you for your apology. Accepted. Now I must return to my programme. Much work to be done. The physician is dissatisfied with my progress already-" I say as I stand up. Desperate to get away from my brother. Sadly, this is another wish not granted. As I move towards the door, he grips my arm. Not enough to hurt me but it's firm. I am staying put.

"You should not continue without proper nourishment sister. It is not safe. Your lunch is part of this regime too" his care feels distant. I am sure he loves me as most siblings do but this kindness is unnatural. Something about my apparent woe is getting to him and he wants to feel better. None of this is for me. Nothing ever seems to be nowadays. I yank my arm back and swiftly exit the dining hall.

The afternoon consists of new torture. Hot oil massage, guided meditation, more elixir and lessons. I must be well versed in all things Heliosos. Normally I am quite taken with study but this isn't fun for me. Learning about the world I am soon to be thrust in to. It only serves to feed the anxiety in my stomach. In all of this, I've still not seen a glimpse of the groom. Seems unfair. He's practically on holiday while I'm trying not to give out from exhaustion. My position as future queen is already difficult. The poor volunteers father spoke of. If this is the refined version of the process, I cannot imagine what they suffered. Wouldn't be surprised if at least a few people died and I am strangely envious. Everything burns and aches but not enough to do any visible damage. It carefully remains on the side of tolerance. Occasionally tipping slightly over, just to come back to being bearable.

As I make my way to the dining hall for dinner, I fear I shall make a terrible dinner guest. A stinging sensation lingers everywhere and I'm trembling. Desperately weary. Tonight, the Heliosos royal family has brought a pig for us. I can't say I've ever tried pig but I've seen illustrations of them in particularly ancient texts. Before I can open the doors, I feel my eyes flutter. I guess I'll have to miss out on the feast. My legs give out and I collapse. Struggling to breathe. Everything around me is blurry. I feel someone attempt to assist me up. Noises are around me but I cannot take them in. My entire body relaxed. Surrending to fatigue.

Hello Darkness. A much welcomed guest.

-

My eyelids slowly peel open. Adjusting to my surroundings. It's dark. Nighttime. The ceiling is a familiar sight. This is my bed chamber. Someone must've escorted me here. On my vanity, there is a flickering candle trying to illuminate the room. It's still mostly pitch black but I appreciate it. It's almost as if I'm still asleep. Like I can still avoid my circumstances for a few more precious moments.

That Fantasy is quickly torn away as my door creeks open. It's a male silhouette in my doorway. Too tall to be Whittaker and too short to be Oren.

"Father?" I weakly call out. Unable to see any defining features and too weak to move just yet. No response. "Please forgive me. The training has been quite taxing. I did not mean to spoil our first dinner with the solaces-" I continue. But the figure interrupts me.

"Do not apologize. You ruined nothing. Your father sent me to check on you as you are my responsibility..." A strange voice says. A deep, smooth voice. Augustus? The prince? Dear god, I could not feel more concious of myself. Father is really out to get me lately. I attempt to sit up but my arms cannot support me. Augustus reaches for me, sitting me up. Muttering something about helping me. What a gentleman. Except he has no choice. He's only aiding me for appearances.

"I found you outside the dining hall. My tardiness finally came in handy" he chuckled to himself. As if his lateness is attractive. "I was glad to be able to help you. I feel most useless. You have a rigorous routine and I'm merely existing here." His honesty pisses me off. Somehow, confirming my suspicions just makes me angry. I'd love to be wrong. To hear that he's having an equally horrid day but alas. Prince Augustus has nothing but free time to explore my beautiful home while I punish my body to go to his.

"Thankyou your grace. It is most appreciated." I manage to choke out. Praying I've disguised my annoyance. He's sat on my bed. Closer to me than ever before. Those green eyes manage to stand out even in the dark. If he weren't the bane of my existence, I would like to admire him. He's beautiful in a way I've never seen. Augustus would make a great subject for a portrait.

The silence between us is deeply uncomfortable. Neither of us know where to go from here. Our unfamiliarity is very apparent. I've never experienced this kind of thing with my brothers because I actually know them. But I don't know my betrothed. I do not know what to say or what not to say. All I know is that I cannot afford a misstep so early on in our arrangement. He's quiet. I dare not try to figure out his thoughts. It's very apparent he's not sharing them with me so why should I care? This conversation is at a stalemate. So much is unspoken. So much will remain that way. Therefore we sit with our discomfort. Adapting to each others presence. This is going to be a long marriage.