Midnight Lips | Ghost

𝐂𝐇. 81

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐑𝐀
༻❁༺

London, United Kingdom

The day had finally arrived. No matter how much I wanted to go back in time instead of forward, it was finally here. January 1st was the day when Simon was supposed to come to find me, to come back home. To come back to me. But instead, I was the one who did the finding. I was the one who went back home, to the place where he was buried, the memorial. My home, with him, was now gone along with my whole self-being, and he had no idea how I was left with nothing.

I wanted nothing else but to give up. This didn't make sense anymore. Where was our happy ending? It was cruel, giving me this hope of a new life, of happiness, of starting over, only to snatch it back from my hands like I never deserved to have it in the first place. Leaving me behind after making me believe I deserved to move forward, it broke me all over again. No, not all over again, it broke me completely. It was so much worse than the loss I had years ago. It was like the remaining pieces of that day were gone now, and I had nothing to grasp at.

No hope.
No sense.
No life.
Nothingness.

I watched my steps as I walked down the path to his grave, the same path I'd been walking every day to see him. I tried to memorize the moment, how many steps it took to get from the entrance to his grave, and the way the green field looked as I made my way to him. Because I knew that today would be the last time I'd be here, doing this. I thought it would hurt, but I didn't feel anything at all, even though I knew that I needed to get past this and move on to the promise of living my life for the two of us.

But I was only going to live a life full of lies. My mind would always find its way to him, and the numbness that his death brought upon me. How I might never find happiness because of it, might never actually live my life the way Simon would have liked. Sometimes I was certain this wasn't my life at all, that I was trapped inside a cage with a window to the real world, and all I could do was nothing but watch it continue its motion.

I guess I was still in shock. I hadn't shed a tear in over three weeks, and I was still waiting for the breakdown that would make this real. But based on how things were going, I didn't think it would happen any time soon. I hoped it wasn't happening any time soon, because that would mean that my emotions were back and I rather not feel anything at all than feel everything all at once. It was just too much...

Wait.

I came to a halt in the middle of the field, and my heart for the first time in a month skipped a beat. From the corner of my widened eyes, I saw something. A flash of blond. It wasn't just something, it was more like a person's silhouette standing right in front of Simon's grave. Could it be... No. It wasn't possible. My lips parted, and my heart started to beat faster, but when I lifted my head to have a better view, my shoulders slumped and my heart slowed down. The figure standing there in the middle of the field wasn't a man, it was a woman with a black cap on, her strawberry blond hair was falling through the hole of the cap making it look like a ponytail.

Can't you just get it, Valentina? He isn't coming back. Get it through your thick skull.

I sucked in a breath and straightened, resuming my way to Simon. Who might that be, anyway? For her to be standing in front of that certain grave, she must have been someone to Simon. A relative or a friend? Simon had none. Maybe she was just a stranger passing by.