Midnight Lips | Ghost

𝐂𝐇. 74

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓
༻☠︎︎༺

My mind was racing. My fists clenched and unclenched as I suppressed my feelings to stop myself from exploding. Those same feelings that went rushing out from the hole that Valentina opened ever since she stuck her knife into my dead soul with her precious life. There was one thing I knew though: I wasn't walking away from her. I wasn't stopping my fight to become what she deserved. I wasn't ending this, us. Not when we hadn't even started.

But how was I going to do it without risking Val's safety? I wasn't going to lose her. I wasn't going to watch her... die like I watched my—no, I won't think about that. I couldn't think about that. My heart joined my mind, racing so fast I thought I was having a heart attack. I could feel that drop of sweat making its way down my spine, and an urge to slam the concrete that only reached my hips next to me gripped me. I doubted I'd be successful, but it was worth the try.

My eyes danced across the field and landed on Valentina, who stood near the SUVs talking with a few men from Los Vaqueros. I was on the other side of the field, too damn far to see her clearly, but I knew exactly what she was wearing and the way she did her hair. I didn't know how she did it, but she braided her hair in a way that made it look like a crown around her head, and then it trailed down her back in one single, graspable, braid. It suited her, the crown, she was the fucking queen.

God, she looked so beautiful, I was obsessed. So obsessed it should be concerning. Although that was how I was. I tended to get obsessed with things. The mask, time, tranquility. It had never happened with someone before—apart from my family—and I didn't know how to act. Losing her before I even had her was just too much. Which was why I was doing anything to protect her, to keep her safe.

You are going to keep us safe.
You will make sure of that.
I know that.
I know you.

That was what she said yesterday at our dinner. Val trusted me, and that made me want to never break that trust. But I had no intel, I was practically ignorant in this situation. It was too new, therefore I had nothing. So how the hell was I doing this? I breathed in and out through my nose, the mask making it harder for me to breathe the cool air that I so suddenly needed. So I gripped the hem and pulled it over my nose, still covering the rest of my head.

No panic, no desperation, nothing as I showed part of my face to anyone who could spare a glance at me. Just discomfort, like I wasn't used to this and it felt kind of wrong, probably because I really wasn't used to this. However, I couldn't find it in me to care. All I wanted was to breathe the cool air and calm my nerves.

But no matter how much I inhaled and exhaled, it didn't seem to do me that favor. My mind had come to a halt at the dead end of the maze that had taken place in my head, and not knowing what to do next infuriated me in a way that urged me to explode and make a horrible mess. I always knew what to do, so what the fuck was wrong with me?

"You've been distracted," Price had told me a few minutes ago before I left the meeting room, right after he dropped the bomb that would have me drowning an inch every second that passed. "I have... I couldn't help but notice how you've always been so... kind of robotic."

"Where are you going with this?" I had asked, confused.

"You know," he began, "it's forbidden to form these types of bonds, the one that you and Valentina formed, in a place like this, on a mission like this one. My right as your superior was to cut it off before it got too complicated. Developing a relationship with a teammate messes with your head, my point proven by what happened that night on that rooftop."