Midnight Lips | Ghost

𝐂𝐇. 60

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀
༻❁༺

     "Do not cry for me," Simon—or should I say Ghost?—whispered, his thumb pressing over the tears. "I told you I am not worthy. And it breaks my heart when you do."

I shook my head. He was worthy. Worthy of so much.

Simon is dead, darling. No, he wasn't. He was right in front of me. Simon was everywhere. He was in the bedsheets tangled with me, in the bathtub showering with me, in the sink watching me in the mirror. Simon was in front of me, his scent, his words, his chuckles, and his teases. Simon couldn't be dead. He just couldn't... right? "You are not dead."

"That is right, my darling. I am not dead. Simon is. He was killed a long time ago, along with his family. I am Ghost now, been Ghost ever since."

My heart broke for him, trying to understand. It broke for Simon, who Ghost claimed was killed. It hurt. It felt as if I had just lost him too. "That's why you..."

"If I take off the mask, Simon would come back from death and that would be the end of me, the end of Ghost, my sanity."

I didn't know what to say. I understood better now, in its own sick, twisted way, I understood him. I wanted to ask more, too, but I knew it was already way too much for Simon—Ghost. So I held back. And about Nadia, I trusted him now. He couldn't have shown his face to her. As he said, it would have been the end of Ghost, and he was still very much alive in front of me. Except for the man I thought I had been with. Did it mean that all this time, I was meeting Ghost instead?

It was really twisted, but I had to understand.

"I know I am fucked up," he said when I still didn't say anything. "I won't blame you if you decide to end things with me fully. Fuck, I don't understand how you are still here allowing me to touch you. You should be far away from me."

I attempted to smile, but my lip trembled. "I don't want to end things. I don't want to be away from you either." Ghost let out a long breath I thought he was holding back. "I asked to understand, and I understand now. I'm sorry for calling you someone you are not anymore. I'm sorry for trying to force you to be someone you can't be."

"It's okay, baby. You don't have to apologize for something you had no idea about." His hands cupped my cheeks, both of his thumbs wiping the rest of my tears away until there were none. Ghost leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine. "You are the first one I have told this to."

"And thank you for that." I pulled him closer as if that was possible. "I know it's a lot to ask for."

"I have told you before, you make me doubt every decision I have made in my life just to bring that beautiful smile to your face."

I leaned back a little to watch his eyes. "You've thought of leaving Ghost behind for me?"

"Yes. You are not the only one who feels like dying when I can't kiss you."

That felt like an arrow in the heart. "I want to kiss you so bad." I really did, he had no idea how hard it was. It wasn't just feeling his lips, it was the intimacy I was craving for. I knew we had been intimate in many ways, but kissing was such a huge part of this, and I needed it. Ghost let me put the tip of my fingers over his covered mouth. I felt the shape of his lips, and the urge to kiss him grip me like a bitch as it always did. "You don't have to be Simon for that."

His eyes widened ever so slightly, and I realized that was it. Panic. His breath hitched and fell faster, shortening like he couldn't get enough in his lungs. I could bet his chest felt heavier. I regretted it, having it brought up again right after he'd told me he couldn't show his face or else Ghost would die.