the trip that started it all

Chap.40

Troye's pov

I have been constantly looking at Connor's twitter and tumblr because those are the ones he mainly uses. He has tweeted about his life, but retaining where he was or who he was with.

It killed me every morning to reach for him and only grasp air. I didn't know why I took advantage of him. Maybe it was because it was hard not to with his kindness. Maybe it was because I thought I'd never loose him.

I have a bag packed in case I find Connor so I can grab a last minute flight easily. I have his wedding book, or what's left of it, in there along with my clothes and chargers.

After a while, Connor posted a picture lof a sign on the side of the highway overlooking the ocean.

Queenstown

My heart raced as I pinpointed where he is. After days of searching, I finally found him.

I booked a flight that's leaving in an hour and headed to LAX. I sat in the gate, hoping for the flight to hurry up.

But then i realized, what am I going to do when I get there? Queenstown is big and I'm not sure exactly where he is. I can't think about the negative. I just need to focus on Connor.

Fangirls came up to me talked, we took pictures and that lift like clockwork. If one left, 3 showed up. Eventually the plane was boarding and I left.

Connor's pov

You know that saying, ' Share what you love with who you love'? Well that's hard to do when you left the person you love then go to the place you both loved deeply.

I've tried to call him but I would stop myself. I knew I shouldn't want to but I miss him.

In the haste of coming out here, I forgot to pack my medication and these are the moments I need them, Escpically the antidepressants. I didn't go outside here much, but when I did, I missed Troye's presence, me wanting to grasp his hand every time I saw something as beautiful as he, but my hand never met his.

Im going to have to stay off the internet because it's just harder to be there without Troye because at least in real life, people don't constantly bother me with my failed love.

I decided the best way for it to not being so tempting is to just fall asleep. I've had trouble with that for the last few nights so I popped some melatonin and laid down in bed, waiting for it to kick in.
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I woke up and looked at the time. 10:36. I realized since my job is being on the internet, I cant be off it completely. I had to respond to emails and some tweets or people would think I'm dead, especially the friends that call and text me and I simply don't have the energy or motivation for it.

I responded to my important emails and go on twitter. I look through tags and then I see something that made my heart drop.

Troye with a couple of fans in front of a gate at an airport. I looked at the sign just to see if he was going to stay with his family, but no. He's going to queenstown. That made me feel happy, angry, scared, and confused all at once.

Was here to relax like me?

Was he here for me?

Why is he tracking me down if I'm clearly not ready for this?

Am I ready for this?

I didn't bother looking at when it was posted because it doesn't prove when the flight actually left. If he knew I was in Queenstown, Does he know where I'm staying?

I had bought a 2 way ticket before so I could get back to L.a. when I wanted. I pulled all my clothes together and all stuffed them in my bag frantically.

Why am I acting like this? Most people would love this, the one they love the most traveling the world just to find them, but this didn't feel like that. He hurt me and I wanted to see him, but I don't want to get hurt again.

I called an uber and he took me to the airport where i paced back and forth, waiting for the plane to fucking get ready. I rushed my hands through my hair and decided to calm down. I went to go sit down when someone's hand was placed on my shoulder. I was instantly in panic but turned around calmly to see who it was.

" Connor.." He whispered.

"Tro.." was all I could reply with.