Here's to You, Zephaniah.

Zephaniah (27)

I always told him I'll never cheat on him. In my own little way of reassuring him, I just spent more time with him and the kids. I put them in activities groups and stop coming to the trap less and less. I loved my man and nobody could steer me away from my man besides himself. Now life moved on and here I am. As we just stare at each other. I was expecting him to say something. He didn't. Now Im wondering what was going on in his mind. It been a little over a decade since he seen me. I wonder what story that lines within his lips. I wonder if he married now and has kids of his own. I wonder why he never left this place. I wonder if he went to my husband funeral. I'm feeling like Wonder Woman and stood up. He rosed his eyebrow and then spoke. "Zaniah, no need to be a stranger now. It been a long time since I seen you, can we chat a little."

Well I guess a little chat doesn't hurt nobody do it. I sat back down and I watch him sat on the couch. Oh my he is handsome. It's like he aged backwards. The young Vincent that I knew didn't look like this back in the day. Even if he were, I still wouldn't consider him. I'm too in love with my man still. He wouldn't had a chance. Even upon this day.

Brea

No Turing back now. I'm really in Chicago again. Wow. This errie feeling cast upon me and I am more annoyed than anything else. I work so hard for these vacation days, may it please don't be no foolishness. I called my mother. I'm suppose to meet Jupiter later tonight over dinner. I'm a little excited but more so confused. Why am I doing this. I thought for certain that me and Jupiter would never cross paths again and I would have moved on with my life by now. I don't know what I'm holding on to? The thought or the memories. I thought that he would've got his life together by now, more so in a different way, in a different senses.

I also thought he would've chosen me. After all these years, I was sadly mistaken but the memories hold me dearly. The times we would go downtown Chicago and judge and joke about all them rich white men and woman, and the way he looked into my soul and you couldn't tell me otherwise, how he cast love spells on my heart. I will probably always cherish his existence. I can't choose his lifestyle though. Will this always be the end of the beginnings. My mom answer the phone, she stated that she in the airport and that I should look for a red cardigan. I looked around and I saw her and ran to her. I haven't seen my mom in so long. She always come and see me throughout the years until recently, it has since then been a year since we seen each other.

I feel a little ashamed, my mom having to travel so far to see me cause I couldn't bare the thoughts or the memories of Jupiter, but the second we are on great terms again, I'm being persuaded into doing as such. The amount of guilt on my conscious is absolutely unspeakable. My mom says it's not an issue, that she understands, but I think she just doesn't want her baby to feel guilty. Unfortunately I'm feel that regardless. I trying to plummet, all those emotions down the skyline and focus on the real reasons to why I came. My mom wanted to see me, originally, so let's stick with that to why I made it with such urgency. I hug her so hard and a big smile on my face. I love my mommy. My biggest weakness and my biggest armor.

We stop hugging and she kissed my cheek and grab my bags, I insist that I got it but she continues to tell me no she has it. You couldn't tell this 65 year old woman that she not strong and spoils her only child so much. We head to her car, put my thing in the car and catch up while she driving. Sometimes I forget my mom is my mom and not my friend, so I slipped up and told her the plans, that I had for tonight. I looked her way and covered my mouth. Oh shooks. My mom had a disappointing look on her face and I just wanted it melt into a bottle. No matter how old I become, I always want my mom approval. I know she wouldn't approve this so the original plan wasn't to tell her. I failed. My mom sighed and said "well baby you are grown, I can't tell you not to see this man, but just know I'm alway be you're shoulder to cry on when he disappears and disappoint you this time around too." I didn't know what to say. What could you say. In a way, I know she was right. I also believe Jupiter is going to disappoint me. The sheer hope is larger than what I'm willing to believe so if I have to steer on delusion then so be it for right now.