The Thoughts Of Amber

Chapter Twenty-Two: Always & Forever

This chapter is not the end; this is just the beginning of my work in the writing world. I didn't write this book because I'm mentally fucked, I wrote this to get closure, to become free from all the darkness that I held for many years, I still have some darkness that I would love to talk about but I think that's going to come in the next book, I know I'm going to get a lot of hatred for this, because sometimes people don't like the truth, and sadly I needed to speak my truth. I got tired of holding it in for years, and I don't think that was fair to me, my brain is never going to stop thinking, my mouth is never going to stop running, and my hands are never going to stop writing. I am who I am, and this is all I am.

My story is sad but pure and true.
I don't hate people, I dislike people for what they did to me, and if you don't like what I have to say in this book, then don't do the things you do to me.

I was never supposed to be abused, and I was never supposed to be hurt, I was never supposed to be the trophy child, I was never supposed to be the daughter that no one ever wanted, I was not supposed to be the friend that got backstabbed many times, I was never supposed to be traumatized. I was supposed to be protected.
I was supposed to be loved, I was supposed to be nurtured, I was supposed to be this person that did not write a book about how fucked up my thoughts are, but here we are.
I grew up moving around a lot all my life and never really had a home, so now that I made my own with my son, I don't have anybody to enjoy this life with me, but that's okay because I'm enjoying it with my son.
I know I was abused by my mom, but she's still a person; she's someone that I always will love, and she is not my enemy I hope that other people understand that she is not a dangerous person; she has flaws like everybody else in this world.
But I'm not going to excuse the mess she has caused in my life and the mental health issues she gave me; like I said was supposed to be protected.

I did not have a dad growing up; I didn't have a sister to confide in, I had myself.
Like I said, this is my story to tell; this is my side of the story; this is my little letter that I wish I could've written to people; this is my truth, and I hope everyone sees it this way.

I am strong, I am fearless, I am beautiful, I am smart, I'm confident, and overall I know who the fuck I am. I am Amber, and these were my thoughts.