The Thoughts Of Amber

Chapter Eleven: Favoritism

In my family, there's always a favorite; there might not be a favorite in your family, but in my family, there is always that favorite; maybe it's a favorite cousin, maybe it's a favorite brother, maybe it's a favorite sister, either way, it's a favorite.

I never was that favorite to my mom or to my dad but to my grandma I was, growing up I got to have my own room because I was a girl, I got to do different things then my brothers because I was a different gender than them, my mother never loved me more than them it's just because in the end she felt terrible for me because I was the only girl in the family and then again I was her miracle child because my sister died at such a young age (bless her heart) but sadly I did not fit in the category as a "favorite", my dad has a favorite and that's my sister Desiree he has more of a bond with her and honestly that's okay, I didn't really grow up with my dad but Desiree is my beloved sister and I can understand why she's the favorite, I believe my dad saved Desiree's life at one point I'm not going put in too much detail about it but from what I know is that I don't have that bond the way they do but that story is for another time, but what I do know is that I am my grandma's favorite but now that she's gone I don't feel lucky anymore.

I'm not anybody's favorite; my mom favors my brothers; she caters to them while I fight and fight and fight so much for my life while they get everything handed to them don't get me wrong, my mother helps me.

My mother loves me, but she caters to them more than me. Am I jealous? A little. Because me and my mom never had a bond. And now that I think about it. I don't think she ever chose me as a favorite. I was just something she kept making happy on the sideline to shut up. Maybe that's why I'm so tricky now.

I don't think favoritism should be a thing in the world. I sometimes say it when I should not be saying it, and I see the heartbreaking look on certain kids' faces when I accidentally say it to the kid out loud. Favoritism is such a bad thing to have in this world. Why should we have a favorite? what is such a good thing about a favorite? my thing is, why can't we just have people/a person that we love and cherish much more dearly than others? but then again, that would probably show, and then it would just be all messed up at the end of the day I just feel like favoritism is bullshit; maybe that's just me saying that because I never really was a favorite besides to my grandmom, and everybody else was chosen other than me maybe because I have a negative opinion about it, or maybe because that's just honestly how I feel.

I never tell my son he's my favorite. 

I don't want to get that in his head that he is my favorite person and that he needs to be my favorite thing in the world because he's not. He's the greatest blessing; he's everything I ever wanted, but he's not my favorite thing in the world. I don't think I even have a favorite thing in the world now that I bring that up...

I'm bringing up my son to realize that favoritism is not okay because I feel like everybody should be treated equally. Everybody should love the same everybody should be cared for the same when we have a favorite, we kind of turn our heads to that person more than others, and it sucks, I don't know if anybody else felt the same way, but I feel like this whole world is just so fucked up. We're all divided into different sections and we all just kind of pick at each other to see which one is our favorite, I just don't think it's appropriate, I just feel like in the end it's messed up, That's just my thought though.